Many are familiar with Dr. Martin Rochlin’s Heterosexual Questionnaire, published in 1972. It was delightfully powerful satire that poked fun at the many misconceptions people have about same-sex orientations. (It pains me to think that people have the same foolish misunderstandings of sexual orientations almost four decades later.)
The main point that it made was that homosexuality is not a choice any more than heterosexuality is. So, I was thinking about how religion, which is the main force behind LGBT oppression, is a choice. Or, it should be, but thanks to the way young children are indoctrinated and contextualized before they develop concrete reasoning skills, many people don’t get to make unbiased choices about their worldview. Since the religious right still inappropriately accuses the LGBT community of their identities being a choice (and a bad one), I’m going to return fire with the same idea!
I have adapted the questionnaire to ask Christians about their identities. Some of the questions in this version are quite profound and some are kind of funny. Some of these questions I legitimately want to ask of people! Enjoy!
(Developed by Zack Ford, January 2009. Adapted from the 1972 Heterosexual Questionnaire by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D.)
This questionnaire is for self-avowed Christians only. If you are not openly Christian, pass it on to a friend who is. Please try to answer the questions as candidly as possible. Your responses will be held in strict confidence and your anonymity fully protected.
1. What do you think caused your Christianity?
2. When and how did you first decide you were a Christian?
3. Is it possible your Christianity is just a phase you may grow out of?
4. Could it be that your Christianity stems from a neurotic fear of other religious beliefs?
5. If you’ve never grown up in another set of religious beliefs, how can you be sure you wouldn’t prefer them?
6. To whom have you disclosed your Christian tendencies? How did they react?
7. Why do Christians feel compelled to convert others into their lifestyle?
8. Why do you insist on flaunting your Christianity? Can’t you just be what you are and keep it quiet?
9. Would you want your children to be Christian, knowing the problems they’d face?
10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are Christian men. Do you consider it safe to expose children to Christian male teachers, pediatricians, priests, or scoutmasters?
11. With all the societal support for marriage, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among Christians?
12. Why do Christians place so much emphasis on their beliefs?
13. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone kept reproducing more Christians?
14. Could you trust a Christian therapist to be objective? Don’t you fear s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own leanings?
15. Christians are notorious for assigning themselves and one another rigid, stereotyped roles. Why must you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?
16. With such religious diversity found in military life, isn’t Christianity incompatible with military service?
17. How can you enjoy an emotionally fulfilling experience with a person of another set of beliefs when there are such vast differences between you? How can a Christian know what pleases a non-Christian or vice-versa?
18. Shouldn’t you ask your far-out Christian cohorts, like skinheads and born-agains, to keep quiet? Wouldn’t that improve your image?
19. Why are Christians so promiscuous?
20. Why do you attribute Christianity to so many famous Jewish and atheist people? Is it to justify your own Christianity?
21. How can you hope to actualize your God-given intellectual potential if you limit yourself to exclusive, compulsive Christianity?
22. There seem to be very few happy Christians. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. After all, you never deliberately chose to be a Christian, did you? Have you considered aversion therapy or Christians Anonymous?