Friday Fundamentalist Farce File #2

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What the FFFF?  Here are the week’s highlights from the OneNewsNow newsletter.


blog-bullet 2/21/2009 – Proposal would lift Arkansas restrictions on atheists

How about them apples?  This short news clip is pretty accurate and fair.  There’s nothing to debunk about it.  I never thought I’d be grateful to the Becket Fund’s support (still not sure that I am).  There has to be something to make fun of somewhere.  Let’s look at the comments…

I’m a conservative Christian, but I think an exclusion banning people from holding public office based on their lack of belief in God is contrary to our founding principles. We wouldn’t want it the other way, where people are excluded from public office for believing in God.

Well, I’ll be!  This is not the best start to a feature that’s supposed to make fun of ridiculously biased points of view.  There has to be something more…

Knowing this country was founded on Biblical principles, and knowing that God’s word, the Bible, is authentic and infallible, this constitutional provision was drafted with the knowledge that God knows his creation and has insight to the human condition. Psalm 14:1 “The fool hath said in his heart, there is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.” That being said, why would we knowingly and willingly place a self proclaimed fool into any office to govern a Christian nation?

Yep.  There it is.  I didn’t have to look too far either… But, to people’s credit, there are a lot of positive comments on there.  Hopefully the rest of the week has more interesting things to poke fun at.

blog-bullet 2/22/2009 – Proposal for school on Good Friday draws fire

Here we go!

But teachers’ union president Frank McLaughlin calls classes on Good Friday a contract violation and says he will file a grievance if the superintendent makes it a school day.

School Committee member James Vittorioso says Good Friday is sacred and the schools would be sending the wrong message about religion. Member Martina Cruz says many students would take the day off anyway.

Petty religious privilege to the max!  Many holidays are built into the calendar to be snow make-up days.  Not everyone at the school is Christian, and I highly doubt any of those young people are spending the whole day “recall[ing] Jesus’ death on the cross.”  Go to school.  Learn something.  Grow up.  You live in a multicultural, multifaith world.

blog-bullet 2/23/2009 – ‘Exposure’ to Christian music leads to lawsuit

‘Exposure’? How is that different than exposure.  Or is it not really “exposure?”  Then what the hell is it?

According to PJI, the counselor was suspended for “exposing children to unapproved religious activities.” But Dacus says no one has established that the girls were offended or harmed by the Christian music.

Not to state the obvious, but that’s not the point.  If I were the parent of one of those children, I probably wouldn’t have been mad, but I would have probably said something to the camp about making sure they are not presenting religious views.  That’s not the camp’s job.  If they are responsible for children, they have a high accountability for what they allow the children to experience.  If their commitment is to be unbiased and they trust their counselors to maintain that responsibility, then they have to hold those counselors accountable.

And the other bands? “One of the other bands there had some outrageously immoral lyrics, and another band had some other lyrics that were very immoral,” says the attorney.

Is there an immorality scale I don’t know about? It probably looks something like this:

“Somewhat immoral.”
“Very immoral.”
“Outrageously immoral.”
“So F-in’ Immoral It Can’t Be Described Without the F Word.”
“Gay sex.”

blog-bullet 2/24/2009 – Seven states pushing for ‘personhood’ rights

I didn’t realize I’d so frequently explore the issue of abortion, but you know what?  It’s an issue all about social justice (women’s rights) and religious privilege.

“The language, in fact — basically in laymen’s terms — just says that all humans are people,” shares Keith Mason of Personhood USA, who adds that North Dakota is just one target in the nationwide campaign.

Couldn’t you also define a human as a self-sustaining organism?  Aren’t women people too with rights about their bodies?

“The secular media has tried to villainize us and call us ‘egg fanatic’s’ or that we’re trying to grant rights to fertilized eggs,” he says. But Mason argues that science proves pre-born humans are just that: human.

If you read the language of the bill, they are trying to grant rights to fertilized eggs.  I mean, I don’t think there is any other way to conceptualize that.  Does anyone else think it’s funny we celebrate birthdays instead of conception days?  If we started as people at conception, that’s what we should celebrate, right?  Oh, but we didn’t “enter the world” until we were born.  We weren’t our own selves until we were born.  That’s right.  We were relying on our mothers for survival.  Pre-born humans aren’t just that, they’re pre-human.  By definition, they could be classified as parasites in their mothers’ bodies.  So whose rights are most important?

blog-bullet 2/25/2009 – ‘God’ – the new four-letter word in public schools

“What’s happened is [that] the elitists — the people who run American society, from the public education system to certain governmental institutions and figures — have basically decided that God is irrelevant to public discussion,” says Whitehead during an interview with OneNewsNow.

Why is religion taboo in American schools?  Because religion does not belong in American schools!  There is a diversity of worldviews in every educational environment, and if their education is being provided by the government, then that education cannot be biased towards religion.  It’s pretty simple.

And what that does, adds Whitehead, is force those people — along with their religious rights and their free-speech rights — into “utter subservience” to all other beliefs.

What?  Since when did Christians become so weak that they cannot maintain their own beliefs in the face of other beliefs.  The pathetic sound of privilege rings clear in these words.

“The issue in such instances is the religious believer versus the secular state,” he writes. “It is also a denial of everything this country stands for in terms of the freedoms of speech, religion, and a respect for moral tradition.”

Oh, right, because only those who are religious are moral.  Last time I checked, everyone was still free to practice their religion quite openly.  Sorry, you don’t get to control everything that happens in every school just because of your privilege and majority!  Sheesh.  Get over yourselves.

By the way, did anyone else notice that even though this was the top headline of the day, it actually contained no news?  There was no incident, no issue, no court case, nothing.  Some “Christian attorney” just decided to open his mouth and OneNewsNow made it a headline.  I like their approach to diversity: spice up the propaganda with blatantly spoiled whining.  So respectable.

blog-bullet 2/26/2009 – ????

Hmm… I didn’t get a daily news brief on Thursday.  I wonder if the whole AFA staff is so eager to be inundated with self-fulfilling propaganda that they abandoned their work to attend CPAC?

CPAC, if you didn’t know, is the Conservative Political Action Conference.

At the conference, in addition to seeing all your favorite political blowhards, you can also enjoy great educational workshops, events, and ceremonies, like:

Timeless Principles, New Challenges: The Future of the Conservative Movement
Conservatism 2.0 Conference (featuring Joe the Plumber!)
The Key to Victory? Listen to Conservatives
New Challenges in the Culture War
Sarah Palin Unplugged on the Media Video Interview
Al Franken and ACORN: How Liberals are Destroying the American Election System
Protecting the Secret Ballot
Targets of the Fairness Doctrine
Presentation of the Charlton Heston Courage Under Fire Award

If you want to feel like you’re actually there, enjoy this clip of the Liberty Counsel’s Mat Staver, who maybe should have read a couple thousand socialogical studies so that he wouldn’t sound so homophobic, patriarchal, and just plain dumb (hat tip Pam via Right Wing Watch):

blog-bullet 2/27/2009 – Vatican, apologetics ministry at odds on evolution

So I’m posting this before I got today’s news brief email (assuming I even get one today since I didn’t  yesterday).  I pulled this article directly from the OneNewsNow site. [UPDATE: Less than an hour after I posted, I did get my news brief.  I feel like I should win a prize since this was the top headline.]

I think watching people try to argue against evolution is funny, so I thought I’d end this week’s Farce File with some delightful quotes from Dr. Terry Mortenson of Answers in Genesis (a site you shouldn’t look at for more than three seconds unless you want to spend the rest of the weekend recovering from a brain aneurysm).

The Bible says that plants were created before sea creatures — contrary to…evolutionary theory,” Mortenson points out.

I don’t even know what he means by this.

“And then the Bible says that there was no death before Adam’s sin — no animal death, no human death. But evolution says there were hundreds of millions of years of death in the physical world. So you have to ignore the details of the Bible to accept evolution.”

Well, I’d have to agree with him there.

“Oh, there is an enormous amount of scientific evidence that supports that God created separate kinds of plants and animals,” Mortenson replies. “The fossil record supports that, what we know about natural selection and mutation supports that — and there’s an enormous, massive amount of evidence in the geological record for Noah’s flood.”

Actually, there is NO scientific evidence that supports that “God created” anything.  Everything else I agree with, minus “Noah’s.”

Well, I think that’s enough ridiculous propaganda for the week, don’t you?

Tune in to ZackFordBlogs again next week for another Friday Fundamentalist Farce File!

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