Friday Fundamentalist Farce File #4

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It’s back! You know you missed it. Here’s this week’s wrap-up of the charming propaganda provided by OneNewsNow.


blog-bullet 3/13/09 – Steele disappoints conservatives on abortion, homosexuality

This was too good to ignore.  I’m pretty sure everybody saw this…

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele is under fire from social conservatives for telling GQ magazine that abortion is an “individual choice” and homosexuality is not.

One of my favorite parts of reading propaganda news is the use of “quotes” to somehow “mock” certain “language” that they don’t “like.”

Oh Matt Barber, you always have such great things to say!  What do you have to offer us today?

“I’m encouraged that Michael Steele is on record now in support of the human life amendment. However, for the life of me I cannot imagine why he would have chosen to use the euphemistic language of choice. That’s language that they came up with in the smoky back room of Planned Parenthood somewhere to try to hide the reality of what abortion is,” he contends. “There is no such thing as pro-choice. You’re either pro-abortion or anti-abortion.”

Actually, you’re totally wrong, Matt.  I don’t think anybody is pro-abortion.  I resent the implication.  More importantly, I surely hope nobody is anti-life.  I would best describe myself as “not anti-choice.”  It doesn’t matter what I think about life; I can never tell a woman what she can and cannot do with her body.

Barber admits he is also troubled that Steele told GQ that believing homosexuality is a choice is equivalent to saying, “Tomorrow morning I’m going to stop being black.”

Troubled, eh, Matt?  Well, in the social sciences, we call that “cognitive dissonance.”  It means you’re learning something.  It can definitely be troubling, but what’s more troubling is how you will refuse to incorporate this new information through your thick skull and encourage your followers to do the same.

blog-bullet 3/14/09 – Baptist leader speaks out against Obama’s pro-death moves

You read correctly: “pro-death.”  Of course, Rev. Frank Page is upset about embryonic stem-cell research.  There’s not much to say about this article except, “Ummm… ok?  You’re dumb?”

Page says he disagrees with President Obama’s move to federally fund embryonic stem-cell research. “I’m just seeing this consistent pattern of removing any pro-life protection, so I am deeply concerned,” he admits. “And I have stated that concern and will continue to state it.”

Boo hoo.  We might save lives with that research.  How horrid.

blog-bullet 3/15/09 – NC keeps abstinence education

Another of those delightful no-news news stories, which has nothing to offer but crap.

School districts can teach either abstinence or comprehensive sex education, the latter of which Jere Royall of the North Carolina Family Policy Council believes encourages promiscuity. He tells OneNewsNow that abstinence education has proven itself.

“The teen pregnancy rate has dropped by a third since abstinence education was started,” he points out, “and the teen abortion rate has been cut in half.”

Only ten districts in the state use the comprehensive approach, Royall says, and their teen pregnancy and abortion rates are higher. Royall believes abstinence education just makes sense. “There has been a very clear message for them when it comes to drugs and alcohol and tobacco to abstain,” he explains. “Everyone knows those are the wisest and healthiest choices.”

I wonder of Royall has seen any of the actual scientific studies that came out over the past couple years.  For example, in 2007, a study by Congress found that abstinence-only education had no effect on how likely middle school students were to engage in sex while they were teenagers.

Maybe Royall should take a statistics or research method class… or maybe read xkcd.

blog-bullet 3/16/09 – Global warming message losing ground

Message? Since when is science all about a campaign?  Are we going to have a vote as to whether global warming is actually taking place or not?  That would be interesting.

According to a report published on, Americans are becoming less worried over climate change. The Gallup poll found that a record-high 41 percent now believe that climate change is “exaggerated,” with the most cynicism coming from Americans age 30 and up. The survey also shows that more Americans doubt that alleged global warming has had an effect on the current climate.

Climate change is happening and it’s a concern for all of humanity.  I would appreciate it if we didn’t debate semantics that make people believe climate change isn’t happening at all.

blog-bullet 3/17/09 – Will repentance restore America’s economy?

This has to be my favorite story all week.  It’s news about faith and a chance to win a car!!! That’s right, you could win a car if you keep reading.

The whole point of this story is that we need to better commit ourselves to God.  Because we know prayer works, right?

“If anything is going to happen in this country, if this country is going to turn around and [if] the economy is going to turn around, it’s not because of our new administration,” Hill contends. “It will be because of the churches repenting and getting on their faces [before] God, asking forgiveness, and calling out to Him. And I think then He’ll heal our land. That’s what the Bible says in Chronicles.”

That’s what the Bible says, so it must be true!  Remind me how you can pick and choose which verses to follow and how you interpret them?

But anyways, Ronnie Hill has this great site called  Listen to a three-minute story and you can win a car.  I read the rules and apparently there is no requirement that you have to be a believer to win!  I encourage all my readers to go endure a three minute story! I think it would be awesome if a non-believer won a prize for responding to evangelism!

I watched Chris’s story.  He was in a band called Confederate Railroad, which has had great tunes like “She Took It Like A Man,” “Trashy Women,” “I Am Just a Rebel,” and “I Hate Rap,” so I’m sure they are amazing social justice allies.  It’s pretty cliché from then on.  He had success, he had something missing, he got into women, alcohol, and cocaine, and then his life sucked for a while (obviously).  He hit rock bottom, needed help.  He went to rehab (good choice!).  And then he entered a church.  Surprise.  God’s got a plan for him.  *Yawn* But hey, now I have a chance to win a car!

Hmm… you have to answer a question about praying the prayer in the video.  This could just be an assessment tool, but I can’t help but wonder if really will affect my chances of winning.  Oh well, I’ll take the high road and be honest.  You can also have people pray for you.  That’s nice.  I can’t help but notice that the marketing of this site looks a lot like Burger King’s marketing… weird.

blog-bullet 3/18/09 – Homosexual military demonstrations likely to ‘backfire’

HAHA!  I have to give them credit for the headline.  The quotes around “backfire” really send it home.  I don’t want to spend too much time on this article, because I find Elaine Donnelly’s rhetoric absolutely grating.

“The members of Congress are beginning to take it seriously. They’re beginning to look at the consequences of repealing the law,” she points out. “The Military Times found that ten percent said they would leave the military if the law is repealed. Another 14 percent said they would consider leaving. We cannot afford to lose people from our military in such great numbers.”

That’s right.  We shouldn’t remove discrimination because the haters won’t like it.  Enough of this nonsense for now.

blog-bullet 3/19/09 – Atheists challenge roadside memorial crosses

A classic church and state argument!  This article is less biased than most on OneNewsNow, but it still has that nagging, “But, Mom…!” kind of privileged whining to it.

Babione says no government funds are involved and that some of the crosses are on private property and some are on public easements.

That’s the only retort they have.

“The American Atheists brought suit against the state saying the state violated the Establishment Clause by allowing the Utah Highway Patrol Association, a private organization, to put up these crosses in honor of these fallen troopers,” he points out.

Oh, Utah.

I wonder if anyone bothered to wonder if it were remotely possible that even just one of those officers might possibly have not been Christian.  Give him a cross anyway!  He gave his life protecting others, just like Jesus! It scares me when my sarcasm sounds so plausible.

blog-bullet 3/20/09 – TEA’d off Americans urged to protest

Okay, this is the biggest joke ever.  Honestly, Obama said he’d only be raising taxes on people with the highest incomes.  This protest is about nothing except getting people angry about nothing.  Wake up, Don Wildmon!  Reaganomics are OVER.

“There’s a tax rebellion coming if Congress and the president do not deal properly with this,” says Wildmon. “I think that President Obama has gotten himself a problem that is above his pay grade — and we’re just hoping that people will respond.”

1) Tax rebellion?  From the corporate elite?  What does that have to do with me?
2) Above his pay grade?  He is the President!  He only gets paid so much and so yes, I suppose the problem is above his pay grade since he wants to tax only the ridiculously wealthy.  And I’m sure, Don, that by “gotten himself a problem,” you surely meant “inherited a problem.”

TEA = Taxed Enough Already.  How precious.  Head on over to to see just how much vitriolic bullshit they are spewing.

The funny thing about this article is how even though One News Now is a subsidiary of AFA, the article talks about AFA like it’s some distant organization:

A pro-family organization is planning TEA parties nationwide on April 15 — but the events, designed to send a strong message to the White House and Congress, won’t be sit-down affairs.

Oh, Don Wildmon.  You and your politics are so ugly.

Have a great weekend everybody!  Happy Spring!

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