What if there were no God? Zack confirms the rumors.

Share on Facebook0Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+0Share on Reddit0Share on Tumblr0Email this to someone

Edward Current posted a new video this week satirically posing the question, “What if God Disappeared?”:

Seeing as I am an atheist and God did “disappear” from my own life (though I’d describe it more as realizing he was never there), I thought I would respond to the claims he makes in this video with my own brand of myth-debunking sarcasm (just in case someone out there actually believes any of the things in this ridiculous video).

I don’t know if I was ever a real Christian, so I don’t know if I can relate to missing his presence within me.

I’ve never felt empty inside, unless I was really hungry.  When I stopped trying to convince myself there was a god, I actually felt more free… and more myself than I ever had before.  I realized that I don’t have to rely on God for inspiration, and so my hope came from my experiences and the love I’ve felt and witnessed throughout my life.  If anything, I was no longer desperate at all.  I could stop searching for something that wasn’t there and begin to truly appreciate life.

I help people because I can.  I don’t need a better reason than that.  How great it is to know that I can make a difference in someone else’s life just for the pure joy of helping.  I do it for my fellow humans.  We’re all on this earth together.  I still hate High School Musical though.

Hard work and luck.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  Hard work?  Definitely.  But you have to believe in luck.  So it’s not really luck, fortune, or fate.  It’s just chance.  Instead of doing all those studies about whether prayer has medical benefits (which it doesn’t), they should maybe consider studies about whether prayer makes people more lazy.  You might find that suggestion offensive if you pray, but it might be a valid scientific question.  And maybe the results would surprise me.  Maybe not.  It probably depends on the sample.  Okay, moving on.

I’ve had a lot of success in life.  I’m pretty proud of my accomplishments.  Never would I presume some God had anything to do with them.  He would have nothing to do with my failures either.  If he did exist, I would hope he wouldn’t care at all.  Doesn’t he have more important things to deal with than my class presentations and whatnot?

I don’t pray for missing children.  (I don’t pray.)  But I still hope for their safe return.  Sometimes I go missing, and I hope for my own safe return too.

It’s an interesting experience to not pray at Thanksgiving.  It’s true, God didn’t provide that food, or the fortune my family has to eat it.  It was raised, harvested, processed, packaged, shipped, purchased, and cooked… all by real people!  You don’t have to believe it, but it’s true!

I can’t do much to add to Current’s sarcasm about natural disasters.  To all the people I know and don’t know out there who still think crazy things like Katrina hit New Orleans because of all the sin in the French Quarter… I still think you’re absolutely crazy.  And probably homophobic.

Sunsets are pretty without God.  I think all giggles are adorable—babies’ or otherwise.  Also, I have sex with dogs all the time anyway.  I mean, I was already gay, so bestiality was just around the corner, right?!

As for the Constitution, Christianity’s not really in there anywhere.  (Please feel free to look for yourself.  I support full disclosure.)  And that’s okay.  I still follow rules and support governmental order.  For the most part, they still make sense to me without God.  But not all of them.  Some laws are just dumb.  I’ve noticed a lot of new dumb laws being proposed in the name of religion *coughPROP8cough*.  I wonder if there’s a connection.

I guess I should admit it now, though.  I am, in fact, a cannibal.  Yes, yes, it’s true.  I’m sure someday I’ll eat these words.  But then, maybe I’ll eat the person who made me eat these words too.

Unfortunately for all you hardcore believers out there, this non-believer is still breathing.  Hopefully, my “grace breaths,” which give me a second chance to believe, don’t run out before I finish typing this post.

Phew, the video’s over.  If this is my last post ever, you’ll know why…………………….  Actually, you might not know why, but now you’ll convince yourself to believe it was just because I was an atheist… even though you had never heard of “grace breaths” before you just read about them.  Seriously?  Grace breaths?

There is probably no God, and life is just peachy.

Share on Facebook0Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+0Share on Reddit0Share on Tumblr0Email this to someone
Back to Top | Scroll down for Comments!

There are 1 Comments to "What if there were no God? Zack confirms the rumors."

Write a Comment