Friday Fundamentalist Farce File #5

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I thought it was time to use my efforts to try to poke some more holes in the religious propaganda of OneNewsNow.  Let’s see what they were talking about this week!  I bet, like any week, I could easily feature an article about sex education, an article about abortion, an article about marriage equality, an article about evolution, and an article about stem-cell research, since those are the only topics they ever talk about.  Oh!  And look!  I did!


blog-bullet 5/16/09 – Parents fight homosexual indoctrination of kindergarteners

The headline is pretty funny, since it suggests kindergarteners are being “recruited” to be homosexuals, but the first sentence of the article informs us as to what the real problem is:

A California school district seems intent on teaching pre-school children to accept the homosexual lifestyle.

How horrid!  I don’t feel like dealing with the whole “immoral lifestyle” nonsense today, so let’s just leave this headline at this:

Parents are angry their kids are being taught to accept something they don’t accept.

blog-bullet 5/17/09 – Truth about abortion bearing fruit

Uh oh.  “Truth” is always a scary word to see OneNewsNow using.  And how do they measure the truth about abortion?  With polling of course, which is not even interesting enough to share here, except that it says “42 percent of those polled consider themselves pro-abortion.”

I always thought that “pro-abortion” was just one of those words like “homosexual lifestyle” that fundamentalists throw around in hopes of demonizing their opposition.  I mean, nobody’s pro-abortion, right?  Apparently, they are actually concerned!

“There’s never been a majority in favor of unfettered abortion, if that was the issue,” Osteen explains.  “So the strategy of the pro-abortion movement from the beginning has been to shift the argment, if they could — and certainly the rhetoric — away from abortion itself to choice or some other obfuscation.”

The extent to which these extremists live in some scary fantasy world never ceases to amaze me.

If there really is a pro-abortion group, who is out there DRAGGING women in to get abortions, that would be messed up.

blog-bullet5/18/09 – Church partly to blame for surge in unwed births

WOW!  They’re actually admitting it!  Abstinence and purity rings don’t work!  We need to be promoting sexual literacy as opposed to our archaic conservative understanding of human sexuality!

Ha ha, or not.  Apparently the problem is that young children aren’t getting the “unchanging truth that sex is to be within marriage.”

Oh, and teaching kids how to use contraceptives is a “bad idea”:

You cannot expect teenagers to be able to consistently use contraception, and you can’t expect them to have the maturity at that age to make good judgments,” says the family advocate [Janice Crouse].  “So the church has to teach them to preserve the sanctity of that sexual gift and save it for marriage.”

What delightful logic!  We can’t expect kids to be safe, so we’re certainly not going to teach them how! Are there any families out there who actually feel like Crouse is advocating for them?

blog-bullet5/19/09 – Perspective: Should Christians ‘respect’ other religions?

I always get excited when I see a “perspectives” piece, because the ignorance will be so much more extravagant and obvious!  And, since I just blogged about the Respect meme this week, let’s see how it looks from the fundamentalist side of things.

Well, apparently Pope Benedict XVI now respects Islam, even though he called it “evil and inhuman” in 2006 (quoting Emperor Manuel II).

Okay, more about the Pope, yadda yadda yadda… salvific inclusivism… this is a long and boring article that doesn’t seem to be answering the question.  Come on, where’s that biting editorial perspective?  Ooh, here it comes:

Thus, when the Catholic Pope speaks of “respecting” Islam, he can do so in a way that evangelical Christians cannot.

Things are about to get spicy.  I daresay these next two paragraphs are quite interesting, including an aspect I find subtly agreeable:

In this light, any belief system that pulls persons away from the Gospel of Christ, denies and subverts Christian truth, and blinds sinners from seeing Christ as the only hope of salvation is, by biblical definition, a way that leads to destruction. Islam, like every other rival to the Christian gospel, takes persons captive and is devoid of genuine hope for salvation.

Thus, evangelical Christians may respect the sincerity with which Muslims hold their beliefs, but we cannot respect the beliefs themselves.  We can respect Muslim people for their contributions to human welfare, scholarship, and culture.  We can respect the brilliance of Muslim scholarship in the medieval era and the wonders of Islamic art and architecture.  But we cannot respect a belief system that denies the truth of the gospel, insists that Jesus was not God’s Son, and takes millions of souls captive.

I was with you right up until that “truth of the gospel” part.  I mean, I honestly was.  I don’t really respect any irrational beliefs.  It’s amazing that Mr. Mohler does not see the blatant hypocrisy in his words, since fundamentalists so righteously demand respect for their beliefs.  Ultimately, he’s revealed the conflictive nature of religion.  We disagree, but I’m right according to my beliefs, so I cannot respect yours.  But think about it, when you offer no such respect to any religion, the conflictive nature of religion is nullified.  Atheist pacifism is the most honest, unbiased kind.

We couldn’t leave this article without quoting some nauseating evangelism.  What is interesting about it though is that it suggests we could find some agreement in opposing the U.N. resolution I blogged about earlier.

Respect is a problematic category.  In the end, Christians must show respect for Muslims by sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ in the spirit of love and truth.  We are called to love and respect Muslims, not Islam.

Similarly, I will respect believers, but not belief.

blog-bullet5/20/09 – ‘Ida’ an extinct primate – and that’s all


(You have to go look at the related poll and the editor’s note about how the poll was “targeted by several pro-evolution websites.”)

And they pulled out the big guns on this one too: the president of Answers in Genesis, Ken Ham, but he didn’t say anything profound enough to be quoted here.  I have to just have to share this though:

The ministry has stated: “Because the fossil is similar to a modern lemur (a small, tailed, tree-climbing primate), it’s unlikely that creationists need any interpretation of the ‘missing link’ other than that it was a small, tailed, probably tree-climbing, and now extinct primate — from a kind created on Day 6 of Creation Week.”

Keyword: “ministry.”  They are so smart at Answers at Genesis.  They can figure out exactly what day an animal was created!  Just for fun, click on that link.  You’ll see a long description of why this discovery is apparently irrelevant.  Scroll down and you’ll see “The Creationist Interpretation.”  You can read it for yourself, but I think this one line just shows how poorly anybody there understands any modern science:

2. A fossil can never show evolution. Fossils are unchanging records of dead organisms.  Evolution is an alleged process of change in live organisms.  Fossils show “evolution” only if one presupposes evolution, then uses that presupposed belief to interpret the fossil.

It’s so funny it hurts.  Evolution is about changes over generations.  A single organism cannot evolve while it’s alive.

And apparently, you have to believe in evolution, since there is no hard evidence (like fossils) to validate such a preposterous idea.  Only the book of Genesis is valid.

Ugh, okay, I’m moving on.  I’m drowning in the bullshit over here.

blog-bullet5/21/09 – Will NH governor stand firm on marriage bill?

New Hampshire’s homosexual “marriage” law is in limbo.

These fundamentalists are so appreciative that the governor wants to protect them, that they still want him to veto the bill.

“At this point they need to contact the governor to tell him to finally veto this bill, but they also need to contact their reps and senators to say enough is enough,” Smith urges. “This debates has been going on now for almost five months and they’re tired of the debate. It’s time to put the issue to bed [and] not bring it up again.”

Yes, because heaven forbid an issue of people’s rights be discussed for as long as six whole months.  That would be OUTRAGEOUS.

It’s kind of cute the way these news articles come with instructions.  Here’s a really biased view of what’s happening, and here’s what you need to do to address it.

I like that they left in the bit about Bishop Gene Robinson.  It’s actually respectful writing for once.

blog-bullet5/22/09 – Texans rally support for adult stem-cell research

At first glance, this seems pretty peachy:

The Texas legislature is working on a bill that could make it a leader in research using adult stem cells, rather than research that involves killing human embryos.

Sure, they have to put their anti-choice rhetoric in there, but promoting research is generally good, right?

“It creates a Texas Adult Stem Cell Research Consortium,” he [Dr. Joe Pojman of the Texas Alliance for Life] explains.  “That’s a big victory because it would enhance and promote adult stem-cell treatments and cures that are already effective in Texas.”

Sure, they have to put their anti-choice advocate in there, but this sounds like agreeable promotion of medical research.

But, what’s this fine print down the page?

The bill would also block another type of research, he says.  “No funds would be going to embryonic stem-cell research and, of course, that’s the kind of research using embroyonic stem cells that is not working,” Pojman contends. “It’s not saving anyone’s lives, and embryonic stem-cell research requires destroying human embryos.”

Oh, so this bill isn’t about advancing anything.  It’s about maintaining faithist restrictions on science in Texas since Obama lifted them on the nation.  That’s nice.

And I don’t know where Pojman gets his contention from, since the world’s first human test of embryonic stem cells was only approved four months ago.  It’s not they’re not working.  The problem is nobody has been allowed to see if they work.  Apparently that will continue to be the case in Texas if this bill passes.

Wow!  I made it through a whole week of fundamentalist news without mentioning Carrie Prejean!  I’m proud of myself.  (Apparently her mom’s a lesbian!) I’m kind of sad there weren’t any fun “clean coal” articles, but it’s not cold out anymore, so I guess it’s not on people’s minds as much.  Have a good holiday weekend everybody!

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