Best of My First 1500 Tweets

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I can’t believe it hasn’t even been a full year since I plunged into the social networking deep end. I loved starting my blog and really having a creative outlet for my writing. Twitter was a different adventure, because it challenged my writing in very short form. I thought it would be fun (albeit a bit painstaking) to look back at my first 1500 tweets for some of the best examples of my writing.

I almost forgot that I used to tweet in the 3rd person. I’m glad I don’t do that anymore. It’s easier to be creative when every sentence doesn’t start with your name! It was a fun way to use gender-neutral pronouns. I’ve since decided I’m not going to use them to refer to myself anymore and just use them for when gender is ambiguous or unknown. Between blogging, tweeting, and APA style, I’ve also completely eliminated double spaces after sentences. Who knew half a year of tweets would demonstrate should shifts in creative style?

It seems my personal trending topics were grad school, working on the musical Gypsy (including a slew of live tweets during performances), and of course atheism and LGBT issues! (Also, apparently, not wearing pants. I promise that I never inappropriately didn’t wear pants!)

At any rate, here are some of my favorite tweets or collections of tweets, starting with my very first tweet ever! All of the tweets before July 26th are on Central time, all of the tweets after are on Eastern time, in case you’re curious.

2/4/09 – 3:23 PM – Whoo! I’m on twitter. Now what?

2/15/09 – 9:33 AM – @lukeelmers People want what they can’t have and the Jonas bros. don’t put out. [A reply to “someone please explain to me what is appealing about the Jonas brothers, because I just don’t see it”]

2/23/09 – 8:30 AM – is putting on hir top hat–according to Hugh Jackman, the musical is back! (When did it leave?)

2/24/09 – 8:08 PM – got chocolate vagina on my shirt today. …What? It was the first time I’d ever eaten one!

3/2/09 – 6:48 PM – Whoo! I officially have my own website for my blog! is mine! Take that stupid!

3/4/09 – 9:43 PM – twisted frosties beat mcflurries anyday.

3/5/09 – 5:02 PM – is not wearing pants and it feels wonderful!

3/6/09 – 3:21 PM – wants to be a weed, not a pretty flower.

3/7/09 – 12:55 AM – I think Dimetapp ruined grape flavor for me for life.

3/7/09 – 10:44 AM – @sixwordstories Rainy Day. Home Alone. Solution? Snuggle.

3/8/09 – 9:22 AM – Ummm…. guess who didn’t get the time change memo! Guess who had a Sunday morning meeting at 9 AM CST! Well isn’t that swell.

7:34 AM – Here we go, DEFENSE, here we go! *clap, clap*
2:03 PM – is apparently going to graduate. Hooray!

3/13/09 – 5:07 AM – It’s 5 AM, and I may have just figured out the past two years of my life. Surely, there is a new recognition that was not there before. Wow.

3/15/09 – 12:28 AM – I wish I had a super hot Miss Piggy in a Heart belt like Taryn. Until I do, my sass shall be inferior. @tarynpack

3/17/09 – 9:39 AM – is in a bar at 9:37 am drinking “green shenanigans” and eating green eggs and ham. happy st. patty’s day! twitpic hopefully coming soon!

3/18/09 – 5:16 PM – just got a call from What great customer service! It almost makes up for all the blatant objectification of women! Almost…

3/24/09 – 5:28 PM – Problem: How to make four hour rehearsals more tolerable. Solution: No Pants. Progress: Mission Accomplished. I’m in rehearsal till 10! Yay!

3/25/09 – 11:45 PM – @tarynpack You wouldn’t have to mow the lawn… but you’d have to live somewhere that had, you know, water. [A reply to “thinking about living on a boat”]

3/26/09 – 9:29 AM – I am, as they say, “cooking with grease,” except for the fact I don’t cook and find grease to be messy and not that great a musical either.

3/28/09 – 9:16 AM – my life is complete again. Laurel’s back in it.

4/2/09 – 10:07 AM – It’s not like I have a bajillion emails or anything.

4/3/09 – 8:46 AM – Thank you, Iowa, for a powerful unanimous decision protecting my civil rights!!!

4/4/09 – 10:23 AM – Living in my old dorm again for the weekend… flipflops in the shower and everything. So awesome… and bizarre…

8:13 AM – My schedule looks deceivingly sparse. It doesn’t include “write a paper by 2” nor “you don’t have time to buy groceries, so keep dreaming!”
10:03 AM – Laurel and I moved to Iowa and Vermont and after two years, Iowa and Vermont have gay marriage. Coincidence? Well, probably, but yay!
10:14 AM – Vermont’s rocking my world today! That definitely wasn’t in my schedule, but HOORAY for legislated equality! Now to write this darn paper!!
11:56 AM – Why the hell is my last paper in grad school a stupid book review? This is dumb. Dear bad pedagogy, I learn nothing from you. Love, Zack.

4/11/09 – 3:20 PM – Confetti is definitely the herpes of theatre effects. Come see Stars Over VEISHEA: Gypsy this Wed. – Sun. at Fisher Theatre!!!

4/12/09 – 5:25 PM – “Theatregasm.” I think that describes my life right now… and it’s amazing. Don’t think I’ve ever been this happy since I moved to Iowa…

4/15/09 – 8:33 AM – Well I feel like crap…but Gypsy opens tonight and I’m not teabagging today, so there are worse things in the world than sleep deprivation.

12:07 PM – – Killing time in the Gypsy pit with sustainable confetti art!
5:25 PM – Whoo! We are sold out tonight! It’s going to be a great show! A very Gypsy weekend…
7:40 PM – Yay! It’s exciting when the audience applauds for the overture!! it’s going to be a fun show tonight! you oughta see them balloons…
7:46 PM – I think I’ll tweet throughout the show tonight… give you little previews of how exciting Gypsy is if you’re still planning to come!
8:06 PM – Disaster averted! We were able to get someone to sneak out and get a replacement violin bow! The show goes on… Happy Birthday Louise!
8:09 PM – I mean, you’re welcome. Nobody gets it…
8:18 PM – Again? By Goldstone, they got it!!
8:22 PM – I don’t think I’ve ever read Variety. I don’t even know what they write about in it.
8:36 PM – hooray! that’s the most exciting moment in the show, but I hate when it gets down my shirt and between my keys.
8:39 PM – I can totally hear @himynameisjason in the audience. he’s laughing a lot. no complaints there!
8:41 PM – My stomach just growled and I swear it sounded like, “Moo, moo; Moo, moo.”
8:46 PM – Meghan and Jess rock my world while Bryce is “foolin’ around.” No surprise there, but I’d love an ice cream soda!
8:53 PM – Crap. I screwed up one of my harp cues. oh well. I’m only one musician.
8:57 PM – It’s hard not to think about the arc of the cow. would it end up happier in the backyard or above the mantle? If only we knew…
9:02 PM – Finished? We’re just getting started! It’s on
ly intermission!
9:27 PM – Sadness! Doc said I couldn’t play the rest of the show on the Music Box sound. the Toreadorables would be more twinquily. yes, with a q.
9:32 PM – I wonder if anyone in the audience has the perfect pitch necessary to get the B-Flat joke that Herbie sings…?
9:35 PM – This is the longest scene without music. What’s that hole? Look there’s a hole! Shut your hole!
9:38 PM – Hmmm… tonight on the pit’s menu? Starburst and Werther’s Originals. As always, Tums are also on hand.
9:41 PM – We also have goldfish, Pringles, and I think Doc just ate a 3 muskateers or something that looked like it.
9:45 PM – – Victoria’s just chillin in the Gypsy pit.
9:46 PM – now we’re passing notes around the pit. why don’t people laugh at “tough titties”? I think it’s a funny expression for a stripper to say.
9:49 PM – – Grace glares at me like this the entire show. sometimes I stare back.
9:56 PM – The audience really enjoys the strippers. Go figure. I love the whole show! Meet ya round the corner in a half an hour!
9:58 PM – Grrrr…. I hate when they don’t get the greedy joke!
9:59 PM – They get butt-slapping though.
10:16 PM – I feel so cool when I play my honky-tonk piano.
10:21 PM – my one line in the show is coming up… YEAH!

7:43 PM – we started a bit late but we have a full house tonight, and they clapped for the overture and are laughing for Uncle Jocko! good show!
7:52 PM – I wish I had special powers. I was adopted so who knows?
7:58 PM – Rose’s purple and gold outfit in this scene matches my Mu Phi Epsilon pin I proudly wear when I perform. Music, Friendship. and Harmony!
7:59 PM – I’ve never quite figured out what’s funny about the ugly sisters… this audience laughs at everything!
8:10 PM – oops! a little autopilot syndrome. my normal guise of piano perfection was temporarily violated. it won’t be happening again!
8:13 PM – Man! I LOVE this audience! you’d think we were filming a sitcom with the laughter we’re getting. 😛 still not sure about “you’re welcome.”
8:43 PM – something about tonight’s performance just feels so right… like it’s where I’m supposed to be. it’s a weird feeling of cohesion of self.
8:57 PM – Yay! I nailed all my piano <-> harp switches in the tap number tonight!
9:37 PM – Herrrrrrrbieeeeeeee!! For some reason Katelyn reminds me of Wall-E when she says that. 😛
9:47 PM – things are looking up! I love this audience. they are so connected. that means we’re doing our job right!
9:59 PM – I told Doc he should hand up a dollar bill tomorrow night. hehehe…
10:21 PM – Doc and I are equal now. also… I think some members of the orchestra are getting a bit too into the stripping taking place on stage!

4/19/09 – 1:37 AM – – Probably the most amazing moment in Gypsy from my unique view in the pit. Mariana

4/20/09 – 6:02 PM – Ironic post-Gypsy fortune cookie: “YOUR DREAMS WILL BECOME REALITY.”

4/22/09 – 8:43 PM – Yay! I think I remedied the broken/hang nail problem I developed from too much piano pounding at Gypsy. I had to make sure Rose “had it.”

4/25/09 – 11:34 AM – @tarynpack You mean as opposed to noon AM? 🙂 [A reply to “@zackford see you in Forker at Noon PM!!!”]

4/30/09 – 4:39 PM  – According to the E.L.Fudge cookies I’m eating, the Keebler Elves are named Fast Eddie, Elwood, Ernie, and Buckets. Elwood is my favorite.

5/4/09 – 5:23 PM – ummmmmmm… wow. … I’m still kind of delirious… dilirious? shit. but… I know I did a good thing. THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY!!!

5/5/09 – 12:33 PM – – For some reason my friends thought it was funny I had this cup.

5/7/09 – 3:34 PM – To those of you having your yearly prayer today, I wish you the best! I hope it gets you through until next year’s National Day of Prayer!

7:48 PM – – backstage before the processional! I’m minutes away from being a Master!
9:42 PM – I’m a Master now!
11:48 PM – – Look at these three hott new Masters!!!

5/11/09 – 2:21 AM – It used to just say “B.M.” next to my name, which was funny. Now it says “B.M.M.Ed.” I’m no longer shitty, just disappointed, I guess!

5/12/09 – 1:13 PM – Yeah, I think I’m kind of a badass… 3 fillings, no anesthetic. That’s BA, isn’t it? Maybe not quite BAMF but definitely at least BA!

5/13/09 – 10:23 AM – I’m feeling good…I just scheduled my first phone interview. My job search is now definitely on track! [It’s funny because I’m still unemployed 4 months later.]

5/14/09 – 1:57 PM – I think iTunes intentionally loses my playlist to spite me for not updating to the newest version. When the Matrix happens, it started here.

5/25/09 – 12:00 PM – Lots of picnics today… I don’t miss the days when I had to march in parades… but I do miss marching… SUCH INNER CONFLICT!

12:24 AM – – I love Tuesday night surprises! this girl rocks my world.
2:27 AM – – Mariana’s first super dog!!

6/5/09 – 7:34 PM – I’m gettin’ my swing on like a Klingon. (Worst rhyme ever, but very Zack Ford.)

6/7/09 – 7:08 PM – OMG KCCI! Let us watch the Tony’s! Find another way to show us “tornadic” activity without taking us away from Stockard Channing!

6/10/09 – 7:52 PM – Zack vs. the giant horse-fly in his office. After many skirmishes, the fly finally succumbed. Still, it waged an admirable war.

6/14/09 – 1:08 AM – Yay! I actually met a cute nice guy and am having a good time with new and old friends. Pride is turning out just fine……

6/22/09 – 11:00 AM – guy’s t-shirt on bus: “I was born redneck and raised right.” so classy, young man, so classy.

6/23/09 – 8:25 AM – Guy on bike’s facial expression reads: “why the hell didn’t I ride the bus?” Greetings summer! I like how you are making Iowa feel TROPICAL.

7/2/09 – 7:44 PM – – The ‘card’ in the middle says ‘Try any card.’ A classy ATM.

7/4/09 – 9:16 PM – Megan and I are hoping these kids throwing lit fireworks in the air learn something from Darwin.

7/14/09 – 1:46 PM – sigh. I seriously need some kind of pick-me-up today. Maybe if I time it right, I’ll get full HP too. (Super Mario RPG? Anyone? Anyone?)

7/15/09 – 1:07 PM – on bus: white woman interrogates Indian gentleman as to why he didn’t see Slumdog Millionaire. “you didn’t want to see it? oh…”

7/18/09 – 11:45 AM – Why am I watching John Tucker Must Die
? …What has happened to my life?

7/22/09 – 12:07 PM – Well, okay, then! New plan! It’s more like the old plan. And now what was the new plan is also an old plan. Important point: there’s a plan!

7/23/09 – 6:40 PM – I just found this delightful keepsake quote on an old scrap of paper: “When you do clownery, the clown comes back to bite you. –Mo’Nique”

7/24/09 – 8:23 AM – My 1000th Tweet! A Buffy episode! Something I hope happens today, but there’s a lot to do still… but at some point today, “Goodbye, Iowa.”

7/26/09 – 3:18 PM – Did Adam have a belly button? (There’s something wrong if you actually bother to think about this question.)

7/27/09 – 5:00 PM – I just saw a t-shirt that says “Mountain Do Me.” The guy wearing it incidentally got a Mountain Dew for his son. Gosh, it’s good to be home.

8/3/09 – 3:48 PM – Apparently, now, when I see a cute guy on OKCupid who is “Christian and serious about it” I no longer care how cute they are.

8/6/09 – 3:10 PM – You know you live in a small town when you get your hair cut by a girl from your high school and she tells you stories about your parents!

8/9/09 – 5:56 PM – Sign at a local mechanic: “IF YOU LOVE JESUS HONK.” … Nope. Other side: “GOT JESUS?” … Didn’t you get the memo? He died.

8/10/09 – 12:24 AM – I’ve decided the expression “goofy gravitas” describes me well, and I have officially coined it for myself. Let it be known.

8/11/09 – 5:06 PM – Gah! I haven’t had any caffeine today and I can FEEL it! I hate that I must have at least a… slight… depende..*head falls on table*

8/17/09 – 11:43 AM – It’s interesting to watch Monday from a 3rd-person perspective… it’s apparently quite rough for people!

8/19/09 – 4:05 PM – Apparently Hurricane Bill might hit NYC… I bet there will be a lot of “Where’s Bill?” jokes. You and I have unfinished business.

8/19/09 – 10:06 PM – Best job search quote: “…you were one of our top candidates. Unfortunately, at this time, we are not extending an interview to you.” What?

8/22/09 – 4:32 PM – Dad: Do you believe in Sasquatch? Me: No. Dad: I do. Me: Have you seen one? Dad: No, but… Me: Let me know when there’s any documentation.

8/27/09 – 2:35 PM – Hope and doubt dance a wicked dance, and I’m ready for this ball to come to a close.

9/4/09 – 3:28 PM – Tootsie rolls are delicious. My tongue hurts.

9/4/09 – 8:53 PM – Labor day weekend is kind of like a slap in the face when you aren’t working.

9/6/09 – 9:48 AM – “Get Your Smokey On.” I don’t think that slogan works as well as the Park Service might think. I thought PREVENTION was their MO.

9/8/09 – 12:00 AM – In middle school, I was the 24-game champion. The number 24 always seemed so cool. For example, with 9, 8, 8, and 5: 9-5=4, 4×8=32, 32-8=24!

9/11/09 – 12:35 PM – I think it’d be funny if #StandWithJoe were a trending topic, but it was just people trashing Joe Wilson for being an ignorant rube.

9/15/09 – 1:13 PM – Why aren’t there more Teabaggers of color? FOX News thinks it’s just because the nation is “mostly white.” Haha, sure………..

9/15/09 – 7:28 PM – I love that there is audio of our president calling Kanye West a jackass. I bet the teabaggers will jump to Kanye’s defense now!

9/16/09 – 2:36 PM – If you disagree that birthers and teabaggers are motivated by subliminal racism, you might be subliminally racist.

9/16/09 – 8:24 PM – Ann Coulter has called Joe Wilson “America’s greatest living statesman.” Take that, Dick Cheney! BOOYAH!

9/20/09 – 6:23 PM – Dinner topic: NASCAR. When Mom said, “It’s entertainment just like a rock concert or the philharmonic,” any hope for me and NASCAR was lost.

8:23 PM – Kellogg’s now advertises cereals with fiber by showing kids playing doctor and eating Fruit Loops. That’s not how kids play doctor, is it?
8:24 PM – Excuse me, I meant “Froot Loops.” No wonder people in our country don’t know how to spell. I don’t know if I ever even noticed that before!

9/25/09 – 11:53 AM – ZOMG! You stained my brand new purse with a potato! I hate you! (This is why I don’t watch The Hills, not even for 3 minutes while surfing.)

9/26/09 – 11:59 PM – Dear SNL, Please write a skit that has a point and an ending. It would be nice to see at least one tonight. Looooooooooooooooooooooove, Zack

9/28/09 – 1:32 PM – 1500th Tweet! ZackFord Blogs: Best of My First 1500 Tweets

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