Oh, You Want Me To See All The Crap You Spout? Well, THANK YOU!

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There’s a phenomenon that takes place in social networking that many are familiar with, particularly Twitter users. It’s when people follow you specifically because they want you to see their stuff. There are plenty of Twitter bots programmed just to search for keywords and then follow anybody who uses those words. (Try tweeting something about online dating and see how many new followers you get; I got at least five for doing that last week.) Sometimes it’s not bots though; it’s real people who really think it’s in your best interest to see their profile.

Despite the fact I think it’s generally a rude practice, this does work out sometimes. I love finding someone else who is real and is sincerely interested in the same issues that I am, and I might even learn something from them. Other times, these followers completely disagree and want you to think that they’ve taken an interest in you just so you feel compelled (guilted) to take an interest in them. In many ways this resembles evangelism, but in my case—because I write frequently about atheism—it often literally is evangelism.

Today, I got an email that a woman by the name of Jean Cooke subscribed to me on Scribd. Scribd is a great site that I only use on the rare occasion I have a document (like a PDF) I want to share. I think I have two things on my Scribd page, and I rarely visit it unless I intend to use it. So obviously, this caught me by surprise. I thought, perhaps, she had taken keen interest in my paper that first defined religious privilege, because that’s pretty much the only thing I have on there.

Unfortunately, Jean was one of those other kinds of people. Despite looking like a sweet old woman that you’d want to call Grandma, Jean is lost deep in a web of mythology. Not to be confused with the British artist Jean Cooke who passed away in 2008, this Jean Cooke is interested in theological philosophy. Here’s how she describes herself on Scribd:

Papers show conclusively from Scripture only that the New Testament Antitypical and final Archetype application reflect the Typical portrayal in the O.T. Revelation assigns church dogma, the whore, to the wilderness and delivers the perfect New Jerusalem to today. There is time no longer to take your stance.

Scripture as an original source… that’s always going to be a winner. She seems to be quite concerned with the Book of Revelation and the Seven Angels, though I’m happy to report that none of her writing makes any sense to me whatsoever. I wonder if she consulted on the upcoming movie, Legion? Because she went out of her way to subscribe to me on Scribd, I thought I’d share an excerpt of her writing on here. This is the opening paragraph from “The Seventh Angel’s Message – Come Out of Her My People”:

The sixth angel’s resounding cry, “It is done” goes unheeded!  With the opening of the Book of Revelation the mystery of God is no longer.   It is finished, the book is open.  Revelation would not be revelation unless it reveals!   Today is that day.  The complete mystery of God resolves with the open book.  All is perceived, understood, to the true remnant.  The rest remain where they are, lost in total darkness, in a wilderness of their own making.  The angels’ messages traced to the roots in the O.T., the application in pre-exilic times, post-exilic era, through to the Messianic Body, and projected forward to the days-to-come.   Prophecies see the past, the present, and the future – together, as one.  Condemnation is heaped on all who fail the test of life; all those who fail to comprehend the resolution of the mystery of their God.  The lion of the tribe of Judah has opened the book.   Yes opened.  Can you see the story, do you understand or are the blinkers bonking.

So, let me get this straight (that’s hard for me sometimes, hehe): God is no longer a mystery because a book is open. Because I fail to comprehend the resolution of this mystery, condemnation will be heaped upon me. This means that my blinkers are bonking. This also means Jean Cooke doesn’t know how to use question marks.

Let’s not waste any more time on the writing of Jean Cooke. I feel bad that this woman is so warped that she thinks she’s uncovering mysteries and writing anything substantive. At least when I make nerdy Star Trek jokes or do in-depth analysis of the mythology of Middle Earth, I know it’s all fictional. She does not seem to be so lucky in this regard.

In case you’ve bothered reading this far down and want another dose of craziness, I thought I’d highlight an article that Ms. Cooke crossposted on her Scribd page. This article comes from a gentleman by the name of Vernon Sparks. Vernon (who apparently is an “MD”) doesn’t offer us a bio to read from, but judging from his postings, he seems to also be a Seventh-day Adventist who knows a LOT about God’s Plan. He has written about “God’s Plan for Our Recreation” (Be careful you avoid “amusement;” it’s Satan’s work), “Creation By Design” (the harmony of the universe is proof of a Master Designer and Creator), and “Heaven’s True Remedies” (all we need is pure air, sunlight, abstemiousness, rest, exercise, proper diet, the use of water, and trust in divine power).

The piece that Jean really seems to like is “God’s Plan For Our Personal Appearance,” commenting, “Best that we are always ready.” In the piece, Sparks outlines various ways in which how people dress themselves endangers their ability to commune with God. He provides quotes that support each of his “points.” Here are a few excerpts of his “points”:

Excessive interest in and attention to dress endangers the spirituality of the church by drawing the members away from eternal interests. Usually those who are “rich” in outward appearance are bankrupt in the things of God.

Over concern regarding our appearance in the mirror imperils our soul’s salvation, for it diminished our desire to look into the law of God, the great moral mirror.

Mothers should spend less time in keeping pace with fashion and more time in gardening with their children.

God is now testing those following the fashions of the world and finds them in the Laodicean condition. He is whetting His sword to cut down those who remain in the lukewarm condition.

I’m sold! Get these clothes off of me! I need to be representative of the Lord!

Oh wait, I’m my own keeper. That’s right. I get to make choices for my own life. Phew, I almost fell into a condemning trap of pure deceit and delusion!

For future reference, if you have something you want to share with me, or something you want my viewpoint on, just go ahead and ask. I might still say, “No thanks,” but at least now we’ve both been polite about it.

I hope you’re happy Jean. I looked at your stuff. I’m kind of bummed it was complete bollocks. Let me know what you think of my stuff and then we’ll be even!

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