The Truth Hurts/Worse Before It Gets Better

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I just have to say, after only two days, that watching—err, reading…following—the Perry v. Schwarzenegger trial sucks.

I mean, it’s tremendously exciting. And for as much as there is even after only two days, I don’t tire of it at all. I’m following every minute, because I think it’s history in the making and I think it’s so vitally important that we really bring light to the way gays and lesbians have been treated over the history of this nation. And in a way, it’s incredibly validating. LOOK! Look at the shit we’ve been through. Look at how long these lies have been spread to demonize and condemn us.

But unfortunately, it requires remembering and rehashing all the shit we’ve been through. It’s a harsh reminder that the same lies continue to be spread about us. We’re still seen in that way. (Rick Jacobs has offered similar reflections in his coverage of the trial so far, for which I must again extend my appreciation.)

And in this moment, I just want to ask you to think about how that feels. It’s not about who believes what, or what progress we’ve made, or how much better things are and how much I should appreciate that. I totally understand everything about how we got here and where things stand; I don’t need to try to explain anything.

I just need to deal with how it makes me feel. I don’t use harsh language on here often, but it fucking sucks.

I don’t want to try to pretend I know what it’s like to be a person of color, but in this moment, I definitely have a better appreciation for what it must be like learning about the history of slavery and civil rights as a person of color. And I don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, but I have a better appreciation for what it must be like to learn about suffrage and women’s rights as a woman. Racism and sexism may be legally rectified for the most part, but I know they are still quite evident throughout our society. There are plenty of harsh reminders that there is a long way to go.

All I can speak to is what I’m experiencing now. We are being reminded of all the awful things that have happened to people like us just because of who we are just because they continue to happen! And while the trial could have tremendous results, it could also get us nowhere. And all we can do is sit, watch, remember, wait, hope… while the rest of our friends and family perhaps don’t even realizing what’s going on. It fucking sucks, and I wanted to say so in case others out there are feeling the same way.

So if you get tired of me posting about Prop 8 or people tweeting about Prop 8… If you think this is just another round of whatever and it’s not a big deal and you don’t have to care… If you allow yourself to become apathetic because of some notion of inevitability… Please, wake the fuck up.

We’re not there yet. We only get to stop caring when we’re there, and we’re not there yet.

(This concludes my emotional 2 AM vent.)

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