Top 10 Christian “Victims” of 2009… They’re Hurting!

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One of my first posts of 2009 was making fun of the “Christian Bashing” list from 2008. This year, our good friends at the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission have again put out their list. The language is a bit more refined this time around—no “bashing”—but the list is still as pathetic. Let’s take a look at all the victims!

Top 10 Anti-Christian Acts of 2009

10. Pro-life Pastor Reverend Walter Hoye of Oakland, CA was jailed for exercising peaceful, pro-life speech.

You may recall I actually wrote briefly about Hoye in my first Friday Fundamentalist Farce File. He wasn’t jailed for peaceful, pro-life speech; he was jailed for violating “The Bubble Law.” The Oakland City Council set a policy that protesters have to stay 8 feet away from abortion clinics (JUST 8 FEET), and he violated that law. He only got jail time when he protested to the judge about his sentence of having to stay 100 yards away. You can read the full story here about this phony victim.

9.    Rev. Fred Winters was murdered while preaching in his pulpit in Maryville, Illinois.

This was truly an awful tragedy. The only thing “funny” about this one is that it’s only #9, which means that a lot of people actually thought the other 8 are worse. I do want to share what I think is a ridiculous quote from one of the articles about the incident:

“Our great God is not surprised by this, or anything,” Nate Adams, executive director of the Illinois Baptist State Association, said in a statement. “That He allows evil and free will to have their way in tragedies like this is a mystery in many ways. But we know we can trust Him no matter what, and draw close to Him in any circumstances.”

It never ceases to amaze me how believers can use God to reconcile anything and reinforce what they believe. I guess Baptists should be praying more for their pastors, because that will surely make all the difference.

8.    HBO’s program “Curb Your Enthusiasm” aired an episode where the main actor urinates on painting of Jesus. When confronted HBO would not apologize.

Did you get that? Peeing on Jesus on a fictional television program is worse than a real-live murder. By the way, the only news organization to write about this story? FOX News. The only people who complained about the episode? Religious leaders. HBO’s response? It was “playful.” I think it’s hilarious.

7.    The overt homosexual participation in Obama’s presidential inaugural events by “Bishop” Vickie Eugene Robinson, the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington D. C., and a homosexual marching band.

Oh noes! The gays were raining on the parade (which is obviously worse than pissing on Jesus and incomparable to murder). First of all, Robinson is not a “Bishop,” he’s a bishop. There’s no doubt or iffyness about the fact that he is, in fact, a full-fledged bishop. To top that off, they spelled “Vicki,” wrong, included probably only to feminize him more. The Gay Men’s Chorus is a quality group; it was a delight hearing them perform at the National Equality March. And can you think of anything more fabulous than a gay marching band? Why do you think The Music Man is a masterpiece of musical theatre? Because we gays LOVE IT. Marching band is badass. Okay, enough self-stereotyping…

6.    Police called to East Jessamine Middle School in Lexington, Kentucky to stop 8th graders from praying during their lunch break for a student whose mother was tragically killed.

Well, this is dumb. I don’t even know how it made the list, let alone beat out marching gays, wet Jesus, and murder! Apparently, a bunch of students prayed. The administrators said don’t. The police came. Then the next day they said the students could pray again. It was a stupid misunderstanding. Personally, I wouldn’t feel very comfortable if suddenly all my peers were spending all their free time praying for someone who was already dead, but I guess that’s their right. The only place you can find any news about this is on sites like CADC who want to hammer home their victim status.

5.    Pro-life activist Jim Pullion was murdered in front of his granddaughter’s high school for showing the truth about abortion.

Another murder. I’m not going to make fun of this one either. In case you’re wondering, Pullion was an elderly gentlemen who liked to sit on street corners in a lawn chair with huge pictures of aborted babies. Isn’t it interesting that people who follow the CADC think the murder of a pro-life activist is worse than the murder of an actual pastor? I thought being a man of God was about as Christian as you could get. Apparently trying to scare minors about abortion is even more Christian!

Note that there are no more murders on the list, so the other four items are worse than two murders.

4.    An activist judge ordered a home school mom in New Hampshire to stop home schooling her daughter because the little girl “reflected too strongly” her mother’s Christian faith.

I couldn’t help but notice that they didn’t include any details of the story, but it was still easy to find. What they also don’t tell you is that this is the result of a custody dispute. The father just wanted the daughter to have a public school experience. It was only during the case when the 10-year-old  girl, herself, was so adamantly defensive of her religious beliefs that it concerned the judge “that she has not had the opportunity to seriously consider any other point of view.”

Note that “defamation” means “any time we don’t get our oppressive way.”

3.    The Federal Department of Homeland Security issued a report entitled “Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate” that labeled conservative Christians extremists and potential terrorists.

When a new popular President is getting four times as many death threats as the former unpopular President was getting, isn’t that a concern? An increase in threats from a concentrated population… I’d be concerned! Mix in the race-baiting and calls for failure from good Christians like Limbaugh and Beck and it’s a party! There really is no spin to this one. The report said what the report said. Sorry for the wake-up call, extremists. You’re extremely dangerous.

2.    President Obama’s appointment of radical anti-Christians like homosexual activist Kevin Jennings as the “safe school czar;” pro-abortion advocate Kathleen Seblius made Secretary of Human and Health Services, and Chai Feldblum, pro-homosexual and anti-religious liberty judge nominated for Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

Way more worse than two murders, walk-on-watersports Jesus, and singing gays is appointed ones! Oh nooooooes! Jennings might make us stop bullying the fags! Sibelius might make us spell her name right and learn more about sex so that the number of abortions actually declines! Feldblum might not let us fire the fags! All this equality stuff hurts Christians!! And to top it all off…

1.    The Federal Hate Crimes Bill that attacks religious liberty and freedom of speech. For the first time in our history ministers are vulnerable to investigation and prosecution for telling the truth about homosexuality.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. The thing that hurts Christians the most is when Christians are not allowed to hurt others. Where has freedom gone in 2009?

Just a reminder to all the Christians who don’t feel like the CADC speaks for you: the CADC is speaking for you. If you don’t like it, please do something about it.

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