Like pretty much everybody who dares think of themselves as a friend of mine, I tuned in last night for the return of Glee! And, as expected, it was FABULOUS. If you haven’t watch it yet, who are you? Seriously.
But one of the highlights of the 9:28-10:28 hour came not from Glee itself, but from a commercial that aired during it. At first, it was almost hard to tell if the commercial was actually a commercial or somehow a part of the show. Watch, and you’ll see why:
Okay, maybe not. But, it did make me want to buy those tampons (U by Kotex) more than any other tampon commercial has ever made me want to buy any tampons. Like, I think a lot of guys would feel awkward having to buy tampons for a girl, and I wouldn’t, but if I had to buy tampons for a girl, I would be excited to get to buy these tampons, because if the quality of these tampons in any way resembles the brilliance of their advertising, they are amazing tampons.
I just took a deep breath, and I’m ready to talk about the commercial now.
This is a remarkable commentary on both advertising, race, and patriarchy. Let’s go through it one step at a time, shall we?
Hi, I’m a believably attractive 18-24-year-old female.
See that? Believably attractive. She’s hot, but not too hot. And why 18-24? The market would more realistically look like 12-45, right? Points for superficiality!
You can relate to me because I’m racially ambiguous.
I probably can’t analyze the spokeswoman’s looks without sounding racist myself, but if you think about it, she really is racially ambiguous. She is still white enough to match “flesh-tone” bandaids though, and that’s probably important.
And I’m in this tampon commercial because market research shows girls like you love girls like me.
Who are “girls like you”? In this case, she is talking to the 12-45 crowd! There is a clear distinction to be made between “girls like you” and “girls like me.”
Don’t all these angles make me seem dynamic?
She can kick-box, cheerlead, and blow on a dandelion. She’s both active and delicate! (Women are always delicate. You knew that right?)
Now I’m going to tell you to buy something.
Note the kind of “up the leg” view as she lays on the bed.
Buy the same tampons I use. Because I’m wearing white pants, and I have good hair, and you wish you could be me.
So much for the racially ambiguous. There are extensive commentaries that could be (and have been) written about “good hair” and the racial implications of what “good hair” is and is not. Straight (read: “white”) is still the ideal… we don’t want to see any color in those pants, do we?
Anyways, that brief analysis of the commercial was unnecessary except to demonstrate that this was an extremely effective commercial that appeals to those of us who like to rise above. Haha, I just said “us,” and I’m not even in the market for tampons.
Seeing as how you’ve probably heard enough about tampons for one day, watch the Sue Sylvester “Vogue” video. You know you want to.