(Note: I notice that months later, this post still gets a lot of hits, but I’m not sure how people are feeling about it. I just thought I’d put this disclaimer up that this post was written on April 1st, and there’s an important follow-up post from the following day. Enjoy!)
So last night, I was killing some time on Manroulette. It’s like Chatroulette, except everyone knows what’s up. (And no, it’s not all penises, it’s just gay men, which I think makes me like it more.)
And all of a sudden this guy comes on without a cam and starts talking to me. Here’s how the conversation started:
You: to whom?
You: who’s that?
You: oh, I’ve never met him
Stranger: smart alec
Stranger: thats a sin too
Stranger: atheism is weak
You: atheism is rational
Stranger: then why are you one?
You: cuz I’m rational
This was the normal kind of friendly joking I like to do with believers, especially anonymous ones evangelizing to me. We debated the sinfulness of his being gay; he said he’s not gay—”a hole is a hole”—and that he knows “the loopholes of quran.”
He went on to point out that “as an atheist you deny your inner child” and “you’re too proud to admit what is comforting” AND “no one will love you as much as god.”
And you know what, he was starting to make some sense.
Being an atheist does make me feel too serious about life sometimes and it can be lonely.
He then asked me about an afterlife, and asked why I bother to live if I don’t believe in one. If I’m going to forget everything, then why is any of this important?
And you know what? The closet-case Muslim is right.
Starting today I’m going to stop identifying myself as an atheist.
I’m not sure what I believe, but life is just too short to go on believing nothing. I mean, really, what IS the point of life if not to live for god, whoever that god might be?
I’m still figuring this all out, but I welcome your comments and thoughts. Obviously, this is going to send the blog in a different direction… maybe even end it. Tell me what you think and help me through this revelation.