It’s been a while since I featured some religious right propaganda, so I thought I’d share this incredible offer I got today from World Net Daily.
Check out iLumina. You know it’s cool because its name starts with a lower-case i. But only kind of in the logo. They underlined the L just to make sure you understood that the small caps I was an i, even though the i in Lumina really is an i. Wait, what?
Now, this would be perfect for Shelonda, because it has the complete texts of both the New Living Translation and King James Version, and you can look at both side-by-side. That way you can pick whichever version best feeds into your biases!
There is also “The Book of Life” encyclopedia. This is perfect for the folks who get frustrated by the open-source nature of Conservapedia and want all their religious spin coming from the same reliable source. Even though it’s all digital, there is apparently 23 volumes worth of narrow-minded thinking and half-explained truisms! (They couldn’t think of anything interesting that started with X or Q and then they miscounted.)
You’ll also get an illustrated Bible timeline “with user tips.” These user tips show you both how to fold the timeline back up as well as how to read the timeline with an explanation of why you should care to. And oh, this timeline is not just in black and white—oh no!—it’s coming at you in four colors!!
Just in case you’re “with the times,” the set comes on a DVD-ROM and 5 CD-ROMs. You pay to get the same thing twice, but hey, you’ll thank them later.
This package includes 1000 new photos, so if you’re not sure whether you want to upgrade from your previous version, “iLumina Gold,” this feature should be clutch. These are real still images captured by the Roman photographer, Polarexus, that demonstrate the life and times of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, in the flesh and blood (and not just make believe Communion flesh and blood either!).
There are also 35 stunning animations that were originally hand-drawn by one of Mary Magdalene’s clients, Walt. If animation isn’t your thing, the 25 virtual Bible site tours will make you feel like you were actually there, being persecuted right beside Jesus himself! There are also over 200 charts and maps to help you plan your own crusade!
And if reading two versions of the Bible isn’t enough for you, iLumina includes 10,000 study notes, 8,900 in-depth articles, 1,000 group discussion guides, and lessons and quizzes to help you review! There’s enough reading and content here to keep you busy enough to forget about the rest of the world’s knowledge. This one set is all you need to be the best Christian you can be (and nothing more).
If nothing else, remember this. iLumina is super easy to use. No more rooting around on the bookshelf and lifting that heavy book and then searching through the pages! All you have to do is install iLumina, navigate through all the menus to find what you want, and then you can just click and scroll. (Note: You can only access iLumina if you have access to a computer, and no, an iPad will not support iLumina. It runs on a DVD/5 CDs, silly!)
(By the way, this was originally released in December 2008, but I guess they didn’t really sell at $6.5 million dollars a pop, so that’s why we’re still selling them, but at a lower price. Don’t worry, you still get $6.5 million dollars worth of text and graphics. This set is so cool, man. You can do anything with technology these days.)
Get your iLumina Bible Software today!
(No, this isn’t a poe.)