Halloween Special: Catholic Materials for Young Adults

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Remember waaaaaayyyyyyy back in June when I wrote about all those materials I was handed at a street fair by different religious groups? A lot of it was creationist VBS propaganda. I mentioned then that a whole separate post would be dedicated to what the Catholics had to share.

Well, now that Halloween is upon us, it’s time for that post.

In the background right now, I’m listening to a free CD I got from the Mary Foundation called The Mass Explained. I’m almost 20 minutes into it… it’s basically an extended rant about how the bread and wine REALLY IS the body and blood of God. It’s baloney. I don’t know if I can listen much longer. It’s really just baloney… reminds me of that Frank Zappa quote about the difference between cults and religions: size. Ugh, yeah, no more.

There were a LOT of materials being distributed at the Catholic tables, and I took but a few, but which will give plenty to discuss here. The first was the aforementioned CD, of which nothing more will be said. Then, I picked up two booklets by Jason Evert (chastity.com) which I’ll pull quotes from below, and lastly, a fetus model. The distribution of these materials was at a public street fair and clearly targeted at young adults.

Let’s look at the fetus first.

Gus, The Little Jelly Fetus

This little guy (its sex organs may have appeared, but not on the model, so it could be a gal, or intersex; I named mine Gus) is 10-12 weeks old. Known as “precious one” (“Some people think that my life began at birth; but my life’s journey began long before I was born…”), it comes with a little card that tells you some things about how developed it is, things clearly designed to humanize the little jelly lump. Example:

Week 1: Conception; the baby is smaller than a grain of sugar, but the instructions are present for all that this person will become.

A zygote is not a baby and definitely not a person, but of course, the distributor of these cute little suckers, Heritage House 76, wants you to think otherwise.

Week 5: Tiny arms and legs appear, as well as the baby’s face. The baby’s blood is now separate from the mother’s.

Whoops! Sorry, an embryo is still not a baby. And I actually don’t think that’s quite accurate about the blood.

Week 11: The baby “practices breathing and facial expressions, even smiling. The baby can also urinate and stomach muscles can contract.

That one is good both for scaring girls out of getting pregnant AND guilting them out of getting an abortion. I don’t want no baby peeing in me!

Ugh. I don’t know if there’s much else need be said about the fetus. If you’re curious about getting some, they come in both Caucasian and Ethnic flavors (because all non-white fetuses look the same—you knew that right?). They’re $24.99 for a pack of 50; perfect for your Halloween party. Who doesn’t love the ol’ bowl-of-fetuses gag.

Providing misleading ideas about pregnancy are cruel, as is guilting young girls out of making certain decisions about their body. This blog is, and forever shall be, vehemently pro-choice, and disapproves of any and all pro-life propaganda.

Funny part is, there weren’t even religious messages that came with the fetus, but it sure came from the Catholic table, I can assure you of that.

Gender Policing and Sex “Education” Chastity Policing

So I picked up two booklets by Jason Evert, “Pure Love,” and “Pure Manhood,” published by Catholic Answers. Let’s be clear straight out the gate that a couple of degrees in theology do not a psychologist make. But what does a teenager know who wants to explore their sexuality? These books are loathsome.

Here are a few talking points from “Pure Love.”

p. 2: Chastity is a virtue (like courage or honesty) that applies to a person’s sexuality.

p. 4: If you’re sexually active and trying to figure out if it’s love, apply the love test. Take the sexual part out of the relationship and live the virtue of chastity. When you remove the lust, you can see if there was ever any love to begin with. Don’t be afraid to do this, because only when love is put to the test can its real value be seen.

p. 5: Your body is a gift, and during the sexual act, the couple give themselves to each other. But to reduce this gift to a loan gives you less respect than you deserve.

p. 6: Although it may be hard to see now, sex outside of marriage hurts both people. Besides the obvious risks of disease and unwanted pregnancy, it scars them emotionally.

p. 10: If you follow others into premarital sex, you may follow them into divorce court as well. In fact, if a guy gets married as a virgin, his divorce rate is sixty-three percent lower than a non-virgin. For girls, it’s seventy-sex percent lower.

That last one’s according to a 1994 study. This kind of crap pisses me off. It’s all about guilt. It’s all about some higher calling for what you are and are not supposed to do with your body. It’s incredibly stifling and, in my opinion, harmful.

What about masturbation, Christine O’Donnell asks?

p. 26: God created sex for two purposes: bonding and babies. Masturbation achieves neither, and instead of communicating life and love, the purpose of sex becomes the satisfaction of lust.

Yes, this 2007 mini-publication includes that lovely old nonsense condemning masturbation. After all, “nothing bad happens to a man’s body if he isn’t sexually active.” Just change the sheets more regularly…

Is homosexuality a sin?

p. 27: The causes of homosexuality have not been fully explained, and many who experience these temptations do not choose or want them!

Hey! That’s true! Alright! Oh wait…

p. 27, cont.: People with same-sex attractions are called to a life of chastity along with the rest of the members of the Church who battle with their own temptations.

So, being gay isn’t a choice, but your only choice is to never have sex. Ever. If you were ever confused about how Church teachings promote bullying, check out this condemning passage:

p. 28: When we understand sex for what it is—a reflection of God’s life-giving love—it becomes clear that same-sex unions cannot reflect this. Members of the same sex can reflect his love by doing what is best for each other, but the sexual act must always be ordered toward giving life.

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Let’s look at some of the gender policing in “Pure Manhood.”

p. 4: When the time comes to ask a young woman out, take the initiative. … This honors the girl, because it takes the burden of rejection off of her and places it on you. … If she’s not worth the pain of rejection, then you don’t desire her enough.

Get that? Girls are weak and soft, so you have to be the strong man and take initiative. Here comes more chivalry sexism!

p. 5: If you go to a restaurant, open the door for her. When you sit down, pull her chair out for her. Deliberately give her the seat that faces the center of the restaurant, or whichever one has the better view. You should take the seat that faces the wall. This is a sign that you won’t be looking over her shoulder at the hostess or the TV during dinner. Your eyes are on her, and she knows it. If an attractive woman walks by, you should keep your attention on your date, so that she is secure in your love.

Right, because women are insecure!

She should also order first, and you should pay.

p. 7: If you’re getting the feeling that you’re becoming a servant, you’re getting the right idea. If you hope to be a father one day (as a dad or a priest), then get used to it. The man is the spiritual head of the family.

That’s Catholicism in a nutshell for you. It’s all about men, which makes its values as archaic as its delusions.

This booklet also includes info about masturbation and homosexual attractions. Check out these factoids:

p. 30: The world tells people who have same-sex attraction that they have two options: either hide in the closet in fear or come out, embrace your identity, and sleep with whoever you want. …

A guy who has these attractions may not want them, or even know where they’re coming from. Perhaps they stem from an unhealthy relationship with his father, an inability to relate to other guys, or even sexual abuse.

Wrong, wrong wrong. Such horrible lies.

p. 30-31: The homosexual act is disordered, much like contraceptive sex between heterosexuals. Both acts are directed against God’s natural purpose for sex—babies and bonding.

I don’t know why he bothers mentioning bonding. Clearly, he doesn’t give a shit about bonding. And guess what, he’s not done!!!

p. 31: Even if a person does not believe in God, he cannot argue with nature. For example, the life expectancy of homosexual men is half that of heterosexual men. [Paul Cameron 1996 citation.] Furthermore, imagine what would happen if all people with same-sex attractions were place in their own country. It would be empty in a century, because bodies of the same gender are not made to receive each other. Even if a man has same-sex attractions, his body is heterosexual. He was designed to give life.

Excuse my language, but fuck. that. shit. That is the most bogus distortion of homosexuality I think I’ve ever heard (and the patronizing reference to atheists was icing on the cake). And it was right there at the Catholics’ table, freely shoved into the hands of every teenage boy who walked by.

Let me end this post with Jason’s 10-step guide to staying pure. I’m sure all of these steps will really help me deal with the fact that I have sex with whoever I want.

1. Admit the problem and set the goal. [Wait, what problem?]
2. Remove the temptation. [I can go to that country with all the gays, right?]
3. Go to confession. [Can I just blog about it?]
4. Receive the Eucharist. [I listened to that explanation of Mass and I’m really not into cannibalism.]
5. Use personal prayer. [Talking to myself isn’t very productive; I already know what I’m going to say.]
6. Ask the saints for help. [They’re dead, aren’t they?]
7. Fast. [But… I’m hungry!]
8. Do something. [Like have more sex with men?]
9. Control your eyes and words. [Well, yes, that is how I read, write, and talk.]
10. Exercise patient perseverance. [I’m bored.]

Catholics want you to live life according to their archaic and psychologically damaging ideas.

Happy Halloween!

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There are 5 Comments to "Halloween Special: Catholic Materials for Young Adults"

  • Allison says:

    Here’s something I don’t get: if the wafer and wine is literally the body and blood of Christ, wouldn’t they have run out a long time ago? How big was that guy???

  • Ahab says:

    “So, being gay isn’t a choice, but your only choice is to never have sex. Ever.”

    What a horrible “choice” — to live a life devoid of intimacy or romantic companionship solely because a corrupt institution doesn’t approve of your sexual orientation.

    “If an attractive woman walks by, you should keep your attention on your date, so that she is secure in your love.”

    Um, if they’re on their first date, isn’t “love” a tad premature? CREEEEEEEPY!

    “The man is the spiritual head of the family.”

    What a load of patriarchal nonsense.

  • Buffy says:

    Is it any wonder they’ve been dubbed Fetus Fetishists?

    I just had a scathingly brilliant idea while looking at that photo. If we ever get around to having a Halloween party, we simply must make some little edible fetuses like that one and put them in some sort of fake blood sauce. That would be the absolute best.

  • Ben says:

    This joke is really expensive.
    Allison the historical Jesus is not really that big and so nobody can eat him for 2000yrs. The bible say the resurected christ is a life giving spirit so he can continue giving himself (his life) to all because he is the source of overabundant spiritual life. I doubt if you will understanding everything i just explained, but this is what catholics believe.

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