Friday Fundamentalist Farce File – 2/18/2011

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[The Friday Fundamentalist Farce File is a week’s worth of “news” clippings from conservative hubs like WorldNetDaily and the American Family Association’s OneNewsNow. Millions of Americans absorb these messages as gospel truth—literally—on a daily basis.]

In case the comments of Indiana’s Ryan McCann were not grating enough, here is a week’s worth of birthers, CPAC, racism, anti-atheism, and complaints about the gays destroying society. Enjoy!

2/12/11 – California wants lesbians as mandatory ‘role’ models

Don’t worry, those dirty homosexuals are still the scariest thing around. As fun as it is to have that kind of intimidating power, I’d trade it in an instant to be treated as a respectable human being.

California Sen. Mark Leno wants LGBT history included “accurately and fairly” in California’s text books. Here’s how he sees it:

Our collective silence on this issue perpetuates negative stereotypes of LGBT people and leads to increased bullying of young people. We can’t simultaneously tell youth that it’s OK to be yourself and live an honest, open life when we aren’t even teaching students about historical LGBT figures or the LGBT equal rights movement.

WorldNetDaily, on the other hand, thinks this is about role models, words they introduced to the discussion themselves. Amazingly, you can barely distinguish their response to this from the Briggs Initiative 30 years ago.

The Democrat state legislators pushing this radical bill want to recruit boys and girls to support the homosexual-bisexual-transsexual agenda, personally and publicly. They want them to become ‘LGBTIQ’ activists [and] help trample religious freedom, free speech, parental rights, business-owner rights, private property rights, the Boy Scouts, and everything else you hold dear.

Yep, recruit.

Children will be enticed into political activism in support of everything pushed by ‘lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex and questioning’ political groups, as the bill requires ‘particular emphasis on portraying the role of these groups in contemporary society.

See what they did there? They took “role in society” and made it “role models.” Those sneaky little devils.

By the way… are there questioning political groups? As soon as they figured anything out they’d have to disband.

2/13/11 – Despite egging on by NBC, Boehner won’t slam birthers

These birthers are pretty insecure. Even though House Speaker Boehner is not a birther, WorldNetDaily is still proud of the fact he didn’t condemn them. He’s so sweet. Said Boehner:

It’s not my job to tell the American people what to think. Our job in Washington is to listen to the American people. Having said that, the state of Hawaii has said that he was born there. That’s good enough for me. The president says he’s a Christian. I accept him at his word.

Also, Majority Leader Eric Cantor said last month that it’s not nice to call birthers “crazy.” Isn’t he a peach?

Honestly, I don’t know if I have a long-form birth certificate, either. I’ll worry about that ten years from now when I’m eligible to run for President.

2/14/11 – ‘Gay conservative’ is oxymoron

You might think, at first glance, I’m going to agree with Star Parker. But actually, when I wrote about GOProud last September, I said it’s not hypocritical.

Star normally goes to CPAC, but this year she joined the boycott because GOProud was there. After spouting a predictable narrative about her conversion to the Right, she decides that “‘Gay’ is everything that ‘conservative’ is not.”

Basically, she wastes 637 words to say that being gay is a sin, without actually using the words, “Christian,” “sin,” or “abomination.”

I included it just in case you wanted to follow the whole CPAC/GOProud nonsense. I have nothing else to say about it.

2/15/11 – Bryan Fischer: Pocahontas shows what could have been

Good old Bryan Fischer. Just in case you think he says all the vile nonsense he says just for media attention, he made it quite clear this week that he means every word he says. That’s what makes this Pocahontas blog post of his even more hilarious.

In this post (which is a hilarious read if you forget for a minute that he’s serious), Fischer tells his own account of the Pocahontas story, celebrating her support of the colonists and baptism to Christianity.

Basically, he thinks things would have gone a whole lot better if more Native Americans had just followed in her example! You just have to read this.

It’s arresting to think of how different the history of the American settlement and expansion could have been if the other indigenous peoples had followed Pocahontas’s example. She not only recognized the superiority of the God whom the colonists worshipped over the gods of her native people, she recognized the superiority (not the perfection) of their culture and adopted its patterns and language as her own.

In other words, she both converted and assimilated. She became both a Christian and an American (technically, of course, an Englishman). She melded into European and Christian civilization and made her identity as a Christian and an Englishman her primary identity. She was the first manifestation of what became our national slogan, “E Pluribus Unum,” “Out of many, one.”

Had the other indigenous people followed her example, their assimilation into what became America could have been seamless and bloodless. Sadly, it was not to be.

You know, if they just hadn’t tried to hold on to their own culture, we wouldn’t have had to slaughter them all!

I also love the part how she wasn’t an American until she became an Englishman.

Just a reminder: Bryan Fischer is the Director of Issues Analysis for the American Family Association. I know nothing says family values to me like assimilation. Just ask the Borg!

2/16/11 – Atheists blinded to ‘big picture’

Since OneNewsNow refused to link to the video the whole article is about, I will open with it:

There’s not much substance to this article, but it’s delightfully ironic.

First, Phil Burress doesn’t seem to understand why a group of people would try to convince others about what they believe.

But then, Burress admits to being Suzie!

Burress explains that suffering and God’s role in it are often misunderstood. God, he argues, cannot be held responsible for the choices and actions of humanity.

“[Those who don’t believe in God] can see the harm and they can see the hurt, but they can’t see the big picture,” says Burress.

Pssst… I think you missed the point, Phil.

2/17/11 – School yanks religious discrimination definition

This is a story about Christians not understanding Christian privilege. It seems that UC Davis has offered to revise its policy, but I’m kind of disappointed they caved.

Their language was about how “religious/spiritual discrimination” is “the loss of power and privilege to those who do not practice the dominant culture’s religion.” That’s actually true. But it would be true in any space, so it would seem to me it would protect everyone at all times.

But no, Christians are the victims, of course. And the hypothetical examples they use are bogus, of course. Being kicked out of class by an atheist professor who doesn’t like you? I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be relying on a community principle to fight that.

Given that, as far as I can tell, these principles of community had no enforcement on campus, I think it’s preposterous that the Alliance Defense Fund had to get involved. They will pick any fight. Here’s a laugh line, though:

French goes on to note that evangelical Christians are usually the ones who face discrimination, as his group deals with a number of those cases on a regular basis.

Umm.. the ADF is an evangelical Christian legal fund; I’m pretty sure all of their cases are evangelical Christians. I think David French’s perspective is just a bit skewed.

Oh! And we could not leave out this insightful survey:

2/18/11 – Stunner! Supremes to give eligibility case another look / Americans’ questions about Obama eligibility surge / Karl Rove: Birther rumors discredit GOP / Palin distances herself from ‘birthers’ / Rep. Jeff Flake: ‘Obama born in the U.S.’

Every single headline on WorldNetDaily is a story about whether our President is an American citizen. They even link to the stories of people who disagree, just because they’re glad it’s being talked about.

…just in case you weren’t sure conservatives are attention whores.

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