Friday Fundamentalist Farce File – 2/25/11

[The Friday Fundamentalist Farce File is a week’s worth of “news” clippings from conservative hubs like WorldNetDaily and the American Family Association’s OneNewsNow. Millions of Americans absorb these messages as gospel truth—literally—on a daily basis.]

There was a lot of good news this week, but what was the Right talking about? Abortion, Israel, teen sex, and Corporal Klingers (the latter, of course, to make fun of transgender people).
Continue reading “Friday Fundamentalist Farce File — 2/25/11” »

Friday Fundamentalist Farce File – 2/18/2011

[The Friday Fundamentalist Farce File is a week’s worth of “news” clippings from conservative hubs like WorldNetDaily and the American Family Association’s OneNewsNow. Millions of Americans absorb these messages as gospel truth—literally—on a daily basis.]

In case the comments of Indiana’s Ryan McCann were not grating enough, here is a week’s worth of birthers, CPAC, racism, anti-atheism, and complaints about the gays destroying society. Enjoy! Continue reading “Friday Fundamentalist Farce File — 2/18/2011” »

Friday Fundamentalist Farce File – 1/28/2011

It’s been a very long time since I last published this feature (so much so that it was before I reformatted the layout over a year ago), but I thought it was time to bring it back. There won’t be one next week because of Creating Change, but I think I’ll try to keep this pretty regular.

[The Friday Fundamentalist Farce File is a week’s worth of “news” clippings from conservative hubs like WorldNetDaily and the American Family Association’s OneNewsNow. Millions of Americans absorb these messages as gospel truth—literally—on a daily basis.]

1/22/11 – Kids put on ‘hate crimes’ list for schoolyard taunts

Great Britain decided it was a good idea to keep track of racist and homophobic incidents that occur at schools. Doing so gives the government a sense of how prevalent such incidents are and to make sure that schools are actually addressing bullying as they are expected to. Of course, WND thinks this is a problem.

Following last year’s publicized case of 10-year-old Peter Drury – who was added to his school’s hate register for calling his friend “gay boy” – Dr. Michele Elliott of the charity Kidscape told the Mail, “Children are being criminalized and singled out here from a very early age when they don’t know what they’re doing.”

“It must be explained that [this behavior] is wrong,” added Margaret Morrissey, founder of the campaign group Parents Outloud. “But to keep a register that will haunt them for years to come is going far too far and is against all rights.”

Drury’s mother told the paper of her son, “He doesn’t even understand about the birds and the bees, so how can he be homophobic?”

Oh, Mrs. Drury, let me count the ways.

Here’s a quick lesson how to be productive: Identify a problem. Address the problem. Assess whether the solution has successfully addressed the problem. Continue developing solutions to address the problem. If you don’t continue to identity and assess the problem, the problem will surely persist.

Of course, the real issue here is not that anybody thinks the actual reporting is a problem. They don’t think that there’s really anything wrong at all, and they don’t like it being called out:

Adrian Hart, the report’s author, told the Mail, “I feel that childhood itself is under attack. It’s absolutely the case that these policies misunderstand children quite profoundly.

Racist incident reporting generates the illusion of a problem with racism in Britain’s schools by trawling the everyday world of playground banter, teasing, childish insults – the sort of things that every teacher knows happens out there in the playground,” Hart said.

Get it? Saying racist stuff to people isn’t really racism, because children just don’t understand what they’re saying! Just let it go.

Or how about no.

1/23/11 – Genetically selecting ‘gay’ embryos?

Feel like your strategies for demonizing those dirty gays are running stale? Reboot them by making up the most absurd shit you can think of and demonize them for things they haven’t even done yet!

This article is all about how same-sex couples in the future will use “procreative liberty” to abort any babies that aren’t genetically proven to be gay like they are.

What’s great about this article is that it concedes all the legal turf conservative groups usually hold. The couple will be married and have a kid. It’s inevitable. But apparently, gays are eager to abort heterosexual babies.

I’m not going to lie, I’m a whole lot more worried about heterosexual couples trying to prevent a gay child from being born than the other way around.

1/24/11 – Gov. ran ‘head-on into political correctness’

I wrote last week about how Alabama’s new governor made it quite clear that he wasn’t interested in representing non-Christians. How did OneNewsNow spin the story to make him look like the victim?

Dr. Al Mohler, Jr., president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, says that the governor didn’t say anything wrong. Any evangelical would understand it! Duh!

Bentley was “attempting to build bridges,” explains the seminary president. “His first statement was a very comprehensive statement of the unity of all believers in Christ — it is in Christ, due to the adoption that is ours in Christ, that we are brothers and sisters together.”

You see, the problem isn’t anything Gov. Bentley said. The problem is just that damn political correctness got in the way. If only people stopped getting so offended, it wouldn’t be a problem.

“[His remark] ran into a head-on collision with political correctness and with a secular culture that doesn’t even understand the terms in which the governor was speaking,” he says. “The governor is an experienced Sunday school teacher; he knows how to speak as a Christian to Christians — and I’m sure this was a rather bitter lesson in learning that the secular world doesn’t always hear things the same way.”

The only reason non-Christians thought his remarks were inappropriate is because they’re not Christian. It makes perfect sense!

1/25/11 – Hoping Christian politicians ‘will be found faithful’

This Al Mohler fellow really has nothing better to do than offer talking points to OneNewsNow (or maybe article writer Russ Jones just doesn’t know anyone else to call).

On Tuesday, he was going on about the twelve new Southern Baptists in Congress and how he prays they’ll be “faithful,” whatever that means. The language isn’t very subtle that he wants them to “bring the full wealth of conviction… the full resources of the Christian worldview” to the job of governing.

The article points out that 304 members of Congress (57%) hold Protestant beliefs. It also inaccurately points out that “no member of Congress… declares himself an atheist, agnostic, or ‘nothing in particular.” Apparently they’ve never heard of Representative Pete Stark.

1/26/11 – Planned Parenthood’s troubling ‘philosophy’

This isn’t a news story. It’s just a mom in Tennessee complaining that Planned Parenthood is actually teaching her kid about sex.

How do you teach sex without teaching how to have sex? And encouraging sex? What does that even mean?

Anything to keep people afraid of Planned Parenthood; they’re turning all of our young people into whores.

1/27/11 – Students vouch for Bible course’s benefits

It’s okay to teach the Bible in a public school if all the students say it’s great!

I actually have mixed feelings about this. I think studying the Bible as literature is worthwhile, particularly if you read all of the really dark stories that don’t come up often in Church, and not just the pretty ones. Studying literature means being critical and considering all the parts, after all.

But what the Chino Valley Unified School District is doing seems inappropriate. Using the literature course as a cover, they seem to be using the course to teach Christianity as well. The Board president is not so subtle about it.

Board president James Na, who envisioned the course, says that he was “highly impressed” by students and board members who voiced their support of the Bible course in the community’s classrooms. He is convinced that young people need the Word of God to direct their lives.

“And these young people should be not only taught but nurtured to be our future face of this nation, with understanding of our foundation as a Christian nation,” he comments.

Na also mentioned how the class discusses how the Bible relates to American historical heritage. Sounds more like a Texas State Board of Education “history” class than a literature class.  We should be highly dubious.

1/28/11 – Debt-limit vote ‘opportunity’ for House Repubs

Just when you thought they couldn’t get any crazier (we are talking about birther central here), WorldNetDaily showed today just how off the deep end they really are.

They are organizing a campaign to urge Republicans to oppose raising the debt ceiling. By threatening to vote “no,” they can force the Democrats to cut the budget in an historic way.

What Joseph Farah doesn’t point out is that if the debt ceiling is not raised by that particular deadline, the entire U.S. government will shut down (i.e. no salaries for federal employees until the problem is fixed), which could also spark financial disaster the world over.

But hey, destroying the world economy is a good plan if it means the Republicans get a little more power over the government, right? Priorities, priorities.

I think any plan that involves these names should be particularly avoided:

Sens. Jim DeMint, R-S.C., and Pat Toomey, R-Pa., are already on record as opposing an increase in the debt limit. Rep. Michelle Bachmann, R-Minn., has also advocated the plan.

Oh, Farah also said that Obama and the Democrats “keep bailing out the wealthy.” I’m sure all the blue-collar workers whose jobs and pensions were saved by the bailouts feel exactly the same way.

Feel free to go and sign the petition. It’s not Faustian at all.

Friday Fundamentalist Farce File #8

I haven’t done one of these in a while! (They’re a lot of work!) With all the teabagging and heckling going on this week, I thought I’d take a look at what our good friends at OneNewsNow and WorldNetDaily have been posting about. It’s the Farce File special back-to-school edition!

Friday Fundamentalist Farce File

blog-bullet 9/12/09 – Christian attorneys defend First Amendment at schools

Alliance Defense Fund (ADF) is expanding its program to declare college and university campuses free-speech zones.

Umm… have they never heard of academic freedom? It’s usually these people who are trying to limit academic freedom on their “affiliated” campuses.

ADF attorney David French contends there is a lack of free speech on the campuses. In fact, he says about 70 percent have policies that violate the Constitution.

Like……? The article doesn’t really specify.

A lot of campus have designated “free speech zones” so that those wishing to speak out have a place to do so without disturbing the functioning of the campus. Maybe that’s not good enough? Maybe they’re talking Intelligent Design? Who knows?

Conclusion: Liberal hate mongering! “Christian students and professors are being censored! Really! I promise! I’m not making this up just to alienate you from any aspect of our society that is progressive or isn’t pro-Christian enough for us to tolerate… We wouldn’t do that…”

blog-bullet 9/13/09 – Obama school-safety’ chief: How to jam homosexuality

This is part of WND’s “Czar Wars” feature. Apparently they had no problem with Bush’s 47 Czars, but anything Obama does is bad. This article isn’t even about a Czar, but it still counts apparently.

This article is about Kevin Jennings, assistant deputy secretary for the office of Safe & Drug Free Schools. You might remember him for his amazing work founding and directing the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, which, as WND accurately quotes, “works to make schools safe for all students, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.” Those GSA’s in high schools across the country? They probably wouldn’t be there without GLSEN. National Day of Silence? You get the picture.

I don’t know what “revelations” are really in this article. It sounds more like hamster wheel-spinning…

In the speech, Jennings described how he was concerned about being described as promoting homosexuality, so he chose to campaign on the idea of “safety” instead.

“If the radical right can succeed in portraying us as preying on children, we will lose. Their language – ‘promoting homosexuality’ is one example – is laced with subtle and not-so-subtle innuendo that we are ‘after their kids,'” he told the conference.

Well, yeah. Extremists think we want 1st graders to learn about S&M and don’t care if their kids discriminate and bully. So, Jennings wanted to make sure the conversation is actually about what the conversation is about. HOW HORRID.

Jennings strategy was so successful that his state’s governor’s “Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth” has brought homosexuality programs into schools throughout the state.

According to the MassResistance website, now parents are “astounded” that homosexual assemblies, plays, clubs, counseling sessions, book, and other celebrations of a sexual lifestyle are for “safety.”

I guess they weren’t sure where that apostrophe should go so they left it out.

“Homosexuality programs.” I guess that’s all they need to hear, even if they don’t know what it means.

blog-bullet 9/14/09 – Bible ban case may go to Supreme Court

“They had a week where the child in the kindergarten class could read their favorite book — and his favorite book was the Bible, and she wanted to read a few passages from the Psalms,” Whitehead explains. “It wasn’t anything about Jesus or whatever. It was one of those Psalms that talks about God, but it’s not overtly religious.

Read that again, make sure you got it. Talking about God is not overtly religious. But guess what is?

Busch went to the school on the scheduled day, but ran into a problem upon arriving. “The principal actually met her at the school door, knew she was coming, and said she couldn’t bring the Bible in the school,” he says. “But [the principal] said they could go ahead and read from another book, a Halloween book — which many people consider Halloween a religious holiday because it deals with spirits and ghosts — but you couldn’t read from the Bible.”

Yes, because so many kindergartners are worshiping and building worldviews around Casper and the Headless Horseman.

Let’s get to the Victim meme

…religion should never be found in an American public school.

That’s more or less what should be said. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the full context…

Whitehead adds that kind of hostility toward religion should never be found in an American public school.

Such hypocrites… they say “No,” to just about everything, but they don’t know how to handle when it’s said to them.

blog-bullet 9/15/09 – Obama asked to apologize for ‘lies to entire country’

The first half of this article is of course defending Joe Wilson. Apparently OneNewsNow didn’t want WorldNetDaily to have all the glory of praising bad manners. Blah, who cares.

“More important than whether Congressman Wilson was rude or not is the fact that when the president of the United States lies to the entire country — as Obama did when he made the incorrect claim that his reform legislation would not benefit illegal aliens — then that’s a much more serious thing,” he contends. “And that is why ALIPAC is calling on the president to apologize to the nation.”

Notice how there’s no information. This is just another person saying, “You Lie,” without any evidence to support it. Well, there’s evidence, but it has the opposite effect.

Now, you might think a group called “Americans for Legal Immigration” would be a group that wants to make it easier for people to enter our country legally, since one of the big reasons we have an illegal immigration problem is because of how inefficient naturalization laws are. But no. In fact, I don’t think there is anything as unAmerican as this PAC. This banner from their homepage sums it up nicely:


Help ALIPAC stop Amnesty.” It doesn’t get more greedy or racist than that, now does it?

blog-bullet 9/16/09 – Ann Coulter: Liberal lies about health care: Joe Wilson edition!

Now, I don’t want to spend too much time on anything Ann Coulter has to say, but I couldn’t not highlight this one. Coulter knew it was great, because she said it twice to complement her uncreative writing style:

But as Obama ticked off one demonstrably false claim after another – eliciting 37 standing ovations from the Democrats in the audience – America’s greatest living statesman, Rep. Joe Wilson, R-S.C., yelled out, “You lie!” in response to Obama’s claim that the bill will not cover illegal aliens.

There are a number of theories about why America’s greatest living statesman shouted “You lie!” at that juncture, but mine is that Wilson said it because Obama told a big, fat, stinking lie.

She goes on to defend white people from accusations of racism, accuse anybody and everybody for encouraging illegal immigration, and then lots of unhumanitarian vitriol suggesting essentially that noncitizens should have n0 access to medical care. It’s the usual bullshit.

But yeah, Joe Wilson is American’s greatest living statesman. Apparently all it takes is being an ignorant asshole!

blog-bullet 9/17/09 – Congress expanding ‘gay’ protections in classrooms

It’s variations on a theme this week! First it was “homosexual programs,” now it’s “‘gay’ protections.” Why ‘gay’ protections? They’re not really gay, they’re just “gay.” (They’re actually trans too!)

She described the “Safe Schools Improvement Act,” and said, “Despite its innocuous-sound title, this bill would actually promote the acceptance of homosexuality and gender confusion in schools.

They sure love that Children meme. Because promoting acceptance is bad for our young people. You knew that right?

Surprisingly, the paragraph in which the article actually describes the bill is totally accurate:

The bill itself defines “bullying” as whatever “adversely affects the ability of one or more students to participate in or benefit from the school’s educational programs or activities by placing the student (or students) in reasonable fear of physical harm” and involves conduct based on “a student’s actual or perceived race, color, national origin, sex, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity, or religion.”

Doesn’t it just sound horrible?

“The very real problem of bullying is being exploited to convince the public that pro-homosexual proselytizing belongs in public schools. Don’t buy it. Schools can address bullying without ever mentioning deviant sexual conduct,” she said.

Any kid being picked on for being gay is clearly a sexual deviant. Any kid doing the bullying does not need to be taught anything about why picking on a kid for being gay is wrong. I’m assuming this means Brandon McInerney is their hero for shooting Lawrence King. Like Bill O’Reilly said just last night, “If you are a religious person, you don’t want someone telling your child it’s OK to be gay.”

They are so compassionate.

blog-bullet 9/18/09 – Educators excused in ACLU prayer case

The excuses these people use are pathetic. Above we saw that talking about God was hardly religious. Now prayer’s okay because it was “spontaneous.” First, here’s what happened last week:

According to the settlement [with the ACLU], all school employees are banned from engaging in prayer or religious activities before, during, or after school hours. Now two school officials are facing criminal charges for offering meal-time prayers at an appreciation dinner for adults who had helped with a school field house project. Principal Frank Lay and athletic director Robert Freeman are scheduled to go on trial next month on criminal contempt charges. If convicted, both are subject to fines and imprisonment.

So the school has a history of promoting religion (the ACLU suit was last year). Now two school officials clearly were promoting religion during a school-sponsored luncheon. And what’s the verdict?

Judge M. Case Rodgers ruled Thursday that Pace High School principal Frank Lay and athletic director Robert Freeman did not violate an agreement with the American Civil Liberties Union that was approved by the court. Rodgers said the prayer at a field house dedication during the school day was spontaneous, and there was seemingly no intent to violate the order.

But your honor, I didn’t intend to KILL him; I just thought he’d look better with his head blown off.

It was inappropriate and there were prior concerns. I can’t believe that a judge would just say, “Oh, no big deal.”

How will people learn?

That’s another Farce File! Have a great weekend!

Friday Fundamentalist Farce File #7

So I’ve decided to continue my Farce File feature.  Yes, fundamentalist news sites like One News Now are easy targets of critique, but they still need to be sites of critique.  In a society where such rhetoric dominates the culture, somebody needs to be taking the time to stand up and say, “No, you’re wrong.  No more Mr. Nice Liberal.”  Not all viewpoints deserve equal respect.


blog-bullet 5/30/09 – There was no Daily News Brief for Saturday.  I don’t know why.  There was this though…

blog-bullet BONUS  – Israel, a Journey Through Time

I don’t quite know about this one.  It’s a 6-DVD set about the history of Judaism.  Pat Boone calls it a “graduate course” in what Christianity has been “grafted into.”  So why would this be so heavily pushed to an evangelical Christian population…

Unit 1 covers everything from Abraham (the first Jew) to Jesus (all 2000 years!).  Of course, it highlights the “divine plans and purposes… of a coming Messiah figure.”  Is this video designed as a “told ya so” to Jews?

Unit 2 is just about Jesus, the “Jew who divided history.”  How do we explain his influence over the past 2000 years?  (They know.)  Unit 3 is about the history of anti-Semitism and why they have been so persecuted in Christian nations.  Oddly, it sounds like a fair description.  Unit 4 continues by tracing the reunification of the Jewish people, suggesting Israel is a Garden of Eden, a fulfillment of ancient prophesies.  Unit 5: how has Israel survived and thrived?  Unit 6 raps things up by demonstrating how Israel and Jerusalem fit into the Armageddon scenario and the “prophetic continuum from Abraham to Armageddon.”

I don’t get it.  Why is this being pushed to the fundamentalist community by Don Wildmon personally?  Why does it take 6 DVDs for something that’s only four and a half hours long?

The answer is in the trailer: This film is a fear-mongering anti-Muslim propaganda video.  There’s all this lovey dovey, sympathy-evoking stuff about the connection between Jews and Christians and then look at who is endangering the fulfillment of prophesy.  I’ll give AFA credit: they definitely are creative.  They will do whatever they can think of to control their followers with fear and make money off of it.

blog-bullet 5/31/09 – Abortionist Tiller shot, killed during church service AND Abortion foes fear backlash to Tiller’s slaying

“Abortionist” – n. One whose work ensures women still have the right to make decisions about their own bodies.

Unsurprisingly, the article about his death features all the things anti-choicers hated about him.  It’s not an obituary; it’s a roast.  Nothing more really need be said about it.

As for the other article, it’s the VICTIM meme!  He hadn’t been dead five hours, and the fundamentalists were already crying self-pity!

Said the Rev. Patrick Mahoney, a pro-life activist: “No one should use this tragedy for political gain.”

Too bad that’s exactly what you’re doing!  And you know it.  You care more about overturning Roe v. Wade than recognizing that the beliefs you promote led to this man’s death!  How wicked.

blog-bullet 6/1/09 – GLSEN founder overseeing safety of nation’s schools?

Wow.  This is incredibly offensive:

A conservative activist says the appointment of the founder of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network to head the U.S. Education Department’s Office of Safe Schools is the equivalent of putting O.J. Simpson in charge of women’s safety.

For those of you unfamiliar, GLSEN is an amazing national organization that works towards support LGBT students in K-12 schools.  They help students know their rights, they work against bullying, they help Gay-Straight Alliances form, and they also work with teachers around these issues.  (One Teacher in 10 was an amazing resource for me as an aspiring gay educator.)  In other words, GLSEN is an organization that has had a primary goal of school safety and has been incredibly successful at achieving that goal thanks to the leadership of Keving Jennings, so he is the perfect person for such an office.

But Linda Harvey, president of Mission America, says the Jennings appointment is a radical move. GLSEN, she explains, is a “child corruption” organization that consistently promotes books on its website that legitimize sexual encounters between adults and minors.

Remember, these are the crazy fundamentalists who see any form of sex as evil (even though many of them are secretly addicted).

You help young people be safe by educating them about everything, including all the things they are capable of doing so they understand why they shouldn’t.  That’s what effective sex education is.  Sex isn’t bad, and I think it’s so unfortunate the way these fundamentalists continue to demonize having a better understanding of our own human bodies.

Kevin Jennings is an amazing leader, and I hope he has a lot of success making schools safer.  Knowledge is invaluable; the only ones who’d oppose it are those afraid knowledge will limit their control over others using beliefs.

blog-bullet 6/2/09 – Obama declares June ‘LGBT Pride Month’

Uh-oh.  They’re still pissed that National Day of Prayer (which is clearly a violation of the separation of church and state) didn’t get much attention, but recognizing an oppressed minority’s struggle towards equality is getting a whole month!  (It seems PZ Myers was successful at skewing another poll.  Too funny!)

Surprisingly, the first half of the article is pretty objective, excepting of course the quotes around “hate crimes.”  But when you scroll down and see that lunatic, Peter LaBarbera’s picture, you know things are about to get interesting.  Let’s see how…

“Homosexuality is nothing to be proud of — bottom line,” says LaBarbera. “The fact is people have left the lifestyle, people have overcome homosexuality [with God’s help] — I think that’s something to be proud of….”

Yes, Peter, they’ve payed anti-psychologists like you thousands of dollars to destroy their psyche without actually changing their orientation, merely their ability to be happy with themselves.

“This proclamation talks about the entire radical homosexual agenda that Obama supports — including homosexualizing the U.S. military [and] federal so-called ‘rights’ based on homosexuality, which will impinge on the religious freedoms and freedom of conscience of other Americans.”

Homosexualizing? (What up, Waymon?) I hate this victim meme crap.  No one’s freedom of religion is on the line, only their freedom of oppression.

Click here to read the full text of Obama’s proclamation!

blog-bullet 6/3/09 – Increased taxation = economic stagnation

This whole article is conjecture by a professor at Hillsdale College (a “citadel of conservatism” where students can’t get federal financial aid because the university won’t execute an Assurance of Compliance with Title IX’s nondiscrimination provisions).

Again, this article uses fear to pull its base closer.  Universal healthcare is bad.  Taxes are bad.  Supporting the environment is bad.  Democrats are bad.  It all fits!

There’s nothing worth quoting, but I needed to shine a little light on the blatant demonization that takes place in the absence of facts.  (This is unsurprising coming from such a religious organization.)

blog-bullet 6/4/09 – Nebraska passes strong pro-life ultrasound law

This is absolute crap.  Nebraska passed a law requiring that a patient be shown the ultrasound screen, “although she can decline to view it.”  The crap, of course, is in the title: the “Mothers’ Right to See Her Unborn Child Ultrasound” bill.  Besides being grammatically incorrect, the title suggests that they didn’t have the right before.  They always could if they asked.  Now, they will be forced to look, making a hard decision even more painful, just to appease the pro-lifers.

And the language gets even more unsympathetic toward the women.  Here’s Julie Schmit-Albin, executive director of Nebraska Right to Life:

“The abortion industry has a vested interest in selling abortion and insuring that abortion is completed,” she contends. “So we do not view this as an interruption of the doctor-patient relationship, but rather a guarantee that the woman will have true, informed consent.” She also suggests the bill will influence what she calls “the assembly-line nature” of how abortions are performed.

Abortion industry.  Assembly-line.

These fundamentalists seem to have no regard for women or their bodies.  They are only considered with reveling in their righteousness.  Why do we let these people affect the way our country is run?  They don’t have people in mind, only their self-aggrandizing fundamentalist egos.

blog-bullet 6/5/09 – Media slanted in reporting high-profile shootings

Today’s Daily News Brief came, but it came late.

This article is about self-victimization AND fear-mongering at the same time!  The best part is that they include the contradictions right in the article.  Here’s what happened:

Muslim convert Abdulhakim Mujahid Muhammad has been accused of shooting two uniformed soldiers on Monday outside a military recruiting center in west Little Rock, Arkansas, killing one and wounding the other. Authorities said he acted “with political and religious motives” — and numerous media outlets described him as a “lone shooter.”

And here’s the whining, courtesy of Colleen Raezler, a research assistant at the Culture and Media Institute of the Media Research Center:

“They were saying that [Tiller’s killer] was a person who was linked to pro-life organizations and things like that — and there’s no such consideration for the person who did those shootings in Arkansas,” Raezler notes.

So, both cases acknowledge that there was a single shooter, and both cases acknowledge religious motivations.  The distinctions the fundamentalists are trying to make don’t exist.  The distinction I see is the difference between a domestic assault and an international military attack.  I can’t imagine why the issues behind those two might be slightly different.

Stop pretending you care about saving lives, evangelicals.  You only care about saving converts and recruits.

Have a good weekend everybody!

Friday Fundamentalist Farce File #6

It takes a lot of time to generate the Farce File, but it still feels like shooting fish in a barrel.  OneNewsNow is almost too easy to debunk.  It’s definitely still fun though, until you get weeks like this where the shit really piles up.

This week’s themes: 1) Let’s legislate religion and pretend we’re not! 2) Racism!  And lots of it!


blog-bullet 5/23/09 – Okla. governor signs bill allowing Ten Commandments monument

A friend of mine was applying for a job in Oklahoma, and I cited this as why I would probably not consider moving there ever.

Apparently, the bill’s sponsor is going to use $10,000 of his family funds to pay for the monument.  If I were one of the kids in that family, I’d be pissed:

Dad, that’s my college education you’re spending on a big rock that violates the first amendment!
Oh, don’t worry, son.  It’s only going to honor the historical significance, not the religious significance
Weren’t they historically destroyed the first time around?  I’ll start working on my golden calf to set things in motion.

Just a friendly reminder of what the Oklahomans are going to put in their state capitol. (I copied the version from the Texas State Capitol, since no two versions look alike.  Ugh, that monument is awful with the flag and the eagle and… ugh.)

I AM the LORD thy God.

Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
Thou shalt not make to thyself any graven images.
Thou shalt not take the Name of the Lord thy God in vain.
Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy.
Honor thy father and thy mother that…

Sorry, I can’t be bothered.  Historical significance my ass.  It’s unconstitutional.

blog-bullet BONUS – Get TEA buttons, stickers, and shirts.  They should charge a whole lot more for that shit, since the only people whose taxes are going up is the group in the highest tax bracket.  They can afford to buy much pricier stickers.  They definitely don’t need free shipping.

blog-bullet 5/24/09 – Prison inmates awarded ministry degrees

You know what?  I’m just going to let this article speak for itself.  No commentary will be necessary:

PARCHMAN, MS – New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary has awarded bachelor’s degrees in Christian Ministry to 28 inmates at the Mississippi State Penitentiary.

With caps and gowns draped over their prison stripes, the new ministers — many of them convicted rapists and murderers — accepted their degrees.

Their graduation speaker was Burl Cain, longtime warden at the Louisiana State Penitentiary. He urged the new ministers to help transform prison culture through their faith.

New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary first began offering prison courses to Louisiana inmates in 1996 and now works with correctional systems in Mississippi, Georgia, and Florida.

A similar program administered by Columbia International University operates in South Carolina. It graduated 15 inmates in December.

I wonder how many liberal arts electives are required to get a bachelor’s in Christian Ministry in prison.  I also wonder if they had to pay $30 for their caps and gowns like other students (myself included, on top of some random graduation fee) do.

For the record, I am all about educating prisoners and helping them learn and grow.  I am against, however, indoctrinating and “saving” them.

blog-bullet 5/25/09 – There was no Daily News Brief for Memorial Day.  OneNewsNow does not observe the Sabbath (despite the fact the Bible dictates that they should), but they do apparently observe national holidays.  Those fundamentalists are so patriotic.

blog-bullet 5/26/09 – 2010: The year of the Bible?

Yup.  There is actually a bill in the U.S. House of Representatives proposing this.  (If nothing else, go look at the wonderful poll OneNewsNow did about the chances of this bill passing.)

Here’s what I hate most about this ridiculous waste of taxpayers’ money and representation: the fact that people have to defend being against this bill.

Representative Jerrold Nadler (D-New York) says he is not against the Bible or the resolution, but simply believes the bill endorses religion and adds that the federal government should stay out of such matters.

Did Nadler really feel like he had to make sure people knew he wasn’t against the Bible?  If more people actually read the Bible, they might be against it too.  There’s some pretty atrocious stuff in there.  (I’m currently enjoying David Plotz’s The Good Book.  Check it out on

Of course, this bill isn’t about Christianity.

Broun claims the bill actually has nothing to do with Christianity. He is simply urging Americans to return to the biblical foundation that he contends established and built America.

I think he missed the part where almost all the founding fathers were secularists.  Oh, and the Treaty of Tripoli thing…

blog-bullet 5/27/09 – Perspective: Not all ‘compelling personal stories’ are equal

I think I’m going to have to write up a whole separate post about “racism” in relation to the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court.  In this Perspective piece, Michelle Malkin gives us plenty to work with.

Republicans are not allowed to mention Sotomayor’s ethnicity lest they be branded bigots, but every Democrat on cable television harped on her multicultural “diversity” and “obstacle”-climbing. Obama made sure to roll his r’s when noting that her parents came from Puerrrrto Rrrrico. New York Sen. Charles Schumer stated outright: “It’s long overdue that a Latino sit on the United States Supreme Court.” Color-coded tokenism dominated the headlines, with blaring references to Sotomayor as the high court’s potential “first Hispanic.”

Wow, so much to unpack.  Let’s see.  “Diversity” is diversity.  “Obstacles” are obstacles.  I think honoring the native pronunciation of an American territory is respectful.  Was it tokenism that Obama would become the first Black President?  There’s just too much White privilege to unpack, which is kind of scary since Malkin is actually Filipina.

You know what, I can’t even continue with this.  I’ll post about this later if I gather the patience to unpack all the privilege.

blog-bullet BONUS – Supreme Court nominee supports reverse discrimination.  Yup.  A special alert with one of the most racist ideas in its headline.  In case you didn’t know it, “reverse discrimination” is what people in the privileged group say when they realize they’re losing some of their power.  It’s self-victimization to protest the evening of the playing field.  Read just how petty the attacks are:

Dear Zack,

Here is a brief look at President Obama’s nominee to the Supreme Court. You may want to forward this to your friends.

Judge Sonia Sotomayor
Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit

President Obama has promised to nominate liberal judicial activists who will indulge their left-wing policy preferences based on “empathy” instead of neutrally in applying the law. In selecting Sonia Sotomayor as his Supreme Court nominee, President Obama has carried out his promise.

In a speech as a Court of Appeals judge, she said, “The court is where policy is made.” Her opinions have followed that approach. What she was referring to was that public policy was made by the Court of Appeals, not by the Legislature.

In a recent case, Ricci v. DeStefano, Sotomayor ruled that reverse racism was to be used in making decisions. She ruled in favor of a city that used racially discriminatory practices to deny promotions to firefighters. In Ricci, an applicant to be a firefighter scored the highest on the test but was denied the job because he was not black.

According to Judge Jose Cabranes, Sotomayor’s colleague, Sotomayor’s opinion “contains no reference whatsoever to the constitutional claims at the core of this case,” and its “perfunctory disposition rests uneasily with the weighty issues presented by this appeal.” Even the liberal Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen expressed disappointment with the case, stating, “Ricci is not just a legal case but a man who has been deprived of the pursuit of happiness on account of race.”

Sotomayor readily admits that she applies her feelings and personal politics when deciding cases. In a 2002 speech given at Berkeley, she said she believes it is appropriate for judges to consider their “experiences as women and people of color,” which she believes should “affect our decisions.” She went on to say in that same speech, “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experience would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.”

The poor quality of Sotomayor’s decisions is reflected in her record of reversals by the Supreme Court. Sixty percent of her decisions have been reversed by the Supreme Court.



Donald E. Wildmon,
Founder and Chairman
American Family Association

blog-bullet 5/28/09 – Group urges IRS review of Liberty tax exemption

Hehe… some follow-up to my post about Liberty University and their decision to not recognize the Democratic student club.  There’s not a lot of new stuff to report here, but it might be interesting to see how things play out.  This was enjoyable though:

Mathew Staver, dean of the Liberty University law school, calls the complaint “frivolous” and says Liberty will ask the IRS to review whether Americans United should lose its tax-exempt status for regularly supporting Democratic Party positions.

Considering students attending Liberty University are probably using federal financial aid, I think there’s a pretty big difference between the two organizations, but then again I’m not dean of a law school.

You know how the hyenas giggle whenever they hear “Mufasa!“?  That’s sort of how I am every time I see the words Liberty University law school.

blog-bullet 5/29/09 – Sotomayor labeled “Hispanic supremacist”

Okay, I’m going to address one more racist claim about Sotomayor and then leave it be.  Hopefully this meme has a shorter life than Carrie Prejean’s spotlight.

A profile published by the American Bar Association reveals that President Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court is a member of the National Council of La Raza, which supports illegal immigration and is considered by many Americans to be a racist organization.

Notice how they didn’t say “allegedy supports” or “has been accused of supporting.”

Are you not familiar with National Council of La Raza?  Let’s take a look at their mission statement:

The National Council of La Raza (NCLR) – the largest national Hispanic civil rights and advocacy organization in the United States – works to improve opportunities for Hispanic Americans. Through its network of nearly 300 affiliated community-based organizations (CBOs), NCLR reaches millions of Hispanics each year in 41 states, Puerto Rico, and the District of Columbia. To achieve its mission, NCLR conducts applied research, policy analysis, and advocacy, providing a Latino perspective in five key areas – assets/investments, civil rights/immigration, education, employment and economic status, and health. In addition, it provides capacity-building assistance to its Affiliates who work at the state and local level to advance opportunities for individuals and families.

Wow, is it just me or do they sound dastardly and unAmerican?  Just kidding.

So let’s see what William Gheen has to say.  As the president of the Americans for Legal Immigration PAC, a group of paranoid xenophobes who call themselves “peaceful” and “nonracist” despite advocating for inherently authoritarian and racist policies, I’m sure he has some wise, objective words about NCLR and Sotomayor. (He’s white, by the way, in case you were wondering.)

“We do not need a Hispanic supremacist on the Supreme Court. This woman is openly affiliated with a racist organization, La Raza, and is making overt racist comments — and it is against the spirit of American law to define laws based on race,” he notes. “We’ve spent decades getting America away from that. And now Obama is trying to throw that backwards by presenting an Hispanic supremacist to the U.S. Supreme Court.”

I like how he made sure to say “Hispanic supremacist” and “racist” each twice.  Really?  She wants to overthrow the Whites?  She wants to impose El Imperio or something?  (That was my attempt to demonstrate that Gheen is a hair’s breadth away from invoking Godwin’s Law.)

For the umpteenth time this week, we hear white people accusing Sotomayor for being racist because she has supported work that supports the nation’s Latino/a population.  Isn’t that convenient?  People… who have privilege… making inaccurate accusations… at the expense of racial advocacy groups… to portray themselves as victims.

I got news, folks.  That’s racism.  That’s white privilege.  That is the sound of bigotry, and I would not be surprised if it sounded the same for any other candidate of color who has ever—heaven forbid—advocated on behalf of hir race.

And it disgusts me.

There’s your Farce File.  Walkaway lesson?  Don’t legislate religion and don’t ever try to validate “reverse discrimination.”  You’ll look less stupid if you don’t.

Friday Fundamentalist Farce File #5

I thought it was time to use my efforts to try to poke some more holes in the religious propaganda of OneNewsNow.  Let’s see what they were talking about this week!  I bet, like any week, I could easily feature an article about sex education, an article about abortion, an article about marriage equality, an article about evolution, and an article about stem-cell research, since those are the only topics they ever talk about.  Oh!  And look!  I did!


blog-bullet 5/16/09 – Parents fight homosexual indoctrination of kindergarteners

The headline is pretty funny, since it suggests kindergarteners are being “recruited” to be homosexuals, but the first sentence of the article informs us as to what the real problem is:

A California school district seems intent on teaching pre-school children to accept the homosexual lifestyle.

How horrid!  I don’t feel like dealing with the whole “immoral lifestyle” nonsense today, so let’s just leave this headline at this:

Parents are angry their kids are being taught to accept something they don’t accept.

blog-bullet 5/17/09 – Truth about abortion bearing fruit

Uh oh.  “Truth” is always a scary word to see OneNewsNow using.  And how do they measure the truth about abortion?  With polling of course, which is not even interesting enough to share here, except that it says “42 percent of those polled consider themselves pro-abortion.”

I always thought that “pro-abortion” was just one of those words like “homosexual lifestyle” that fundamentalists throw around in hopes of demonizing their opposition.  I mean, nobody’s pro-abortion, right?  Apparently, they are actually concerned!

“There’s never been a majority in favor of unfettered abortion, if that was the issue,” Osteen explains.  “So the strategy of the pro-abortion movement from the beginning has been to shift the argment, if they could — and certainly the rhetoric — away from abortion itself to choice or some other obfuscation.”

The extent to which these extremists live in some scary fantasy world never ceases to amaze me.

If there really is a pro-abortion group, who is out there DRAGGING women in to get abortions, that would be messed up.

blog-bullet5/18/09 – Church partly to blame for surge in unwed births

WOW!  They’re actually admitting it!  Abstinence and purity rings don’t work!  We need to be promoting sexual literacy as opposed to our archaic conservative understanding of human sexuality!

Ha ha, or not.  Apparently the problem is that young children aren’t getting the “unchanging truth that sex is to be within marriage.”

Oh, and teaching kids how to use contraceptives is a “bad idea”:

You cannot expect teenagers to be able to consistently use contraception, and you can’t expect them to have the maturity at that age to make good judgments,” says the family advocate [Janice Crouse].  “So the church has to teach them to preserve the sanctity of that sexual gift and save it for marriage.”

What delightful logic!  We can’t expect kids to be safe, so we’re certainly not going to teach them how! Are there any families out there who actually feel like Crouse is advocating for them?

blog-bullet5/19/09 – Perspective: Should Christians ‘respect’ other religions?

I always get excited when I see a “perspectives” piece, because the ignorance will be so much more extravagant and obvious!  And, since I just blogged about the Respect meme this week, let’s see how it looks from the fundamentalist side of things.

Well, apparently Pope Benedict XVI now respects Islam, even though he called it “evil and inhuman” in 2006 (quoting Emperor Manuel II).

Okay, more about the Pope, yadda yadda yadda… salvific inclusivism… this is a long and boring article that doesn’t seem to be answering the question.  Come on, where’s that biting editorial perspective?  Ooh, here it comes:

Thus, when the Catholic Pope speaks of “respecting” Islam, he can do so in a way that evangelical Christians cannot.

Things are about to get spicy.  I daresay these next two paragraphs are quite interesting, including an aspect I find subtly agreeable:

In this light, any belief system that pulls persons away from the Gospel of Christ, denies and subverts Christian truth, and blinds sinners from seeing Christ as the only hope of salvation is, by biblical definition, a way that leads to destruction. Islam, like every other rival to the Christian gospel, takes persons captive and is devoid of genuine hope for salvation.

Thus, evangelical Christians may respect the sincerity with which Muslims hold their beliefs, but we cannot respect the beliefs themselves.  We can respect Muslim people for their contributions to human welfare, scholarship, and culture.  We can respect the brilliance of Muslim scholarship in the medieval era and the wonders of Islamic art and architecture.  But we cannot respect a belief system that denies the truth of the gospel, insists that Jesus was not God’s Son, and takes millions of souls captive.

I was with you right up until that “truth of the gospel” part.  I mean, I honestly was.  I don’t really respect any irrational beliefs.  It’s amazing that Mr. Mohler does not see the blatant hypocrisy in his words, since fundamentalists so righteously demand respect for their beliefs.  Ultimately, he’s revealed the conflictive nature of religion.  We disagree, but I’m right according to my beliefs, so I cannot respect yours.  But think about it, when you offer no such respect to any religion, the conflictive nature of religion is nullified.  Atheist pacifism is the most honest, unbiased kind.

We couldn’t leave this article without quoting some nauseating evangelism.  What is interesting about it though is that it suggests we could find some agreement in opposing the U.N. resolution I blogged about earlier.

Respect is a problematic category.  In the end, Christians must show respect for Muslims by sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ in the spirit of love and truth.  We are called to love and respect Muslims, not Islam.

Similarly, I will respect believers, but not belief.

blog-bullet5/20/09 – ‘Ida’ an extinct primate – and that’s all


(You have to go look at the related poll and the editor’s note about how the poll was “targeted by several pro-evolution websites.”)

And they pulled out the big guns on this one too: the president of Answers in Genesis, Ken Ham, but he didn’t say anything profound enough to be quoted here.  I have to just have to share this though:

The ministry has stated: “Because the fossil is similar to a modern lemur (a small, tailed, tree-climbing primate), it’s unlikely that creationists need any interpretation of the ‘missing link’ other than that it was a small, tailed, probably tree-climbing, and now extinct primate — from a kind created on Day 6 of Creation Week.”

Keyword: “ministry.”  They are so smart at Answers at Genesis.  They can figure out exactly what day an animal was created!  Just for fun, click on that link.  You’ll see a long description of why this discovery is apparently irrelevant.  Scroll down and you’ll see “The Creationist Interpretation.”  You can read it for yourself, but I think this one line just shows how poorly anybody there understands any modern science:

2. A fossil can never show evolution. Fossils are unchanging records of dead organisms.  Evolution is an alleged process of change in live organisms.  Fossils show “evolution” only if one presupposes evolution, then uses that presupposed belief to interpret the fossil.

It’s so funny it hurts.  Evolution is about changes over generations.  A single organism cannot evolve while it’s alive.

And apparently, you have to believe in evolution, since there is no hard evidence (like fossils) to validate such a preposterous idea.  Only the book of Genesis is valid.

Ugh, okay, I’m moving on.  I’m drowning in the bullshit over here.

blog-bullet5/21/09 – Will NH governor stand firm on marriage bill?

New Hampshire’s homosexual “marriage” law is in limbo.

These fundamentalists are so appreciative that the governor wants to protect them, that they still want him to veto the bill.

“At this point they need to contact the governor to tell him to finally veto this bill, but they also need to contact their reps and senators to say enough is enough,” Smith urges. “This debates has been going on now for almost five months and they’re tired of the debate. It’s time to put the issue to bed [and] not bring it up again.”

Yes, because heaven forbid an issue of people’s rights be discussed for as long as six whole months.  That would be OUTRAGEOUS.

It’s kind of cute the way these news articles come with instructions.  Here’s a really biased view of what’s happening, and here’s what you need to do to address it.

I like that they left in the bit about Bishop Gene Robinson.  It’s actually respectful writing for once.

blog-bullet5/22/09 – Texans rally support for adult stem-cell research

At first glance, this seems pretty peachy:

The Texas legislature is working on a bill that could make it a leader in research using adult stem cells, rather than research that involves killing human embryos.

Sure, they have to put their anti-choice rhetoric in there, but promoting research is generally good, right?

“It creates a Texas Adult Stem Cell Research Consortium,” he [Dr. Joe Pojman of the Texas Alliance for Life] explains.  “That’s a big victory because it would enhance and promote adult stem-cell treatments and cures that are already effective in Texas.”

Sure, they have to put their anti-choice advocate in there, but this sounds like agreeable promotion of medical research.

But, what’s this fine print down the page?

The bill would also block another type of research, he says.  “No funds would be going to embryonic stem-cell research and, of course, that’s the kind of research using embroyonic stem cells that is not working,” Pojman contends. “It’s not saving anyone’s lives, and embryonic stem-cell research requires destroying human embryos.”

Oh, so this bill isn’t about advancing anything.  It’s about maintaining faithist restrictions on science in Texas since Obama lifted them on the nation.  That’s nice.

And I don’t know where Pojman gets his contention from, since the world’s first human test of embryonic stem cells was only approved four months ago.  It’s not they’re not working.  The problem is nobody has been allowed to see if they work.  Apparently that will continue to be the case in Texas if this bill passes.

Wow!  I made it through a whole week of fundamentalist news without mentioning Carrie Prejean!  I’m proud of myself.  (Apparently her mom’s a lesbian!) I’m kind of sad there weren’t any fun “clean coal” articles, but it’s not cold out anymore, so I guess it’s not on people’s minds as much.  Have a good holiday weekend everybody!

Friday Fundamentalist Farce File #4

It’s back! You know you missed it. Here’s this week’s wrap-up of the charming propaganda provided by OneNewsNow.


blog-bullet 3/13/09 – Steele disappoints conservatives on abortion, homosexuality

This was too good to ignore.  I’m pretty sure everybody saw this…

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele is under fire from social conservatives for telling GQ magazine that abortion is an “individual choice” and homosexuality is not.

One of my favorite parts of reading propaganda news is the use of “quotes” to somehow “mock” certain “language” that they don’t “like.”

Oh Matt Barber, you always have such great things to say!  What do you have to offer us today?

“I’m encouraged that Michael Steele is on record now in support of the human life amendment. However, for the life of me I cannot imagine why he would have chosen to use the euphemistic language of choice. That’s language that they came up with in the smoky back room of Planned Parenthood somewhere to try to hide the reality of what abortion is,” he contends. “There is no such thing as pro-choice. You’re either pro-abortion or anti-abortion.”

Actually, you’re totally wrong, Matt.  I don’t think anybody is pro-abortion.  I resent the implication.  More importantly, I surely hope nobody is anti-life.  I would best describe myself as “not anti-choice.”  It doesn’t matter what I think about life; I can never tell a woman what she can and cannot do with her body.

Barber admits he is also troubled that Steele told GQ that believing homosexuality is a choice is equivalent to saying, “Tomorrow morning I’m going to stop being black.”

Troubled, eh, Matt?  Well, in the social sciences, we call that “cognitive dissonance.”  It means you’re learning something.  It can definitely be troubling, but what’s more troubling is how you will refuse to incorporate this new information through your thick skull and encourage your followers to do the same.

blog-bullet 3/14/09 – Baptist leader speaks out against Obama’s pro-death moves

You read correctly: “pro-death.”  Of course, Rev. Frank Page is upset about embryonic stem-cell research.  There’s not much to say about this article except, “Ummm… ok?  You’re dumb?”

Page says he disagrees with President Obama’s move to federally fund embryonic stem-cell research. “I’m just seeing this consistent pattern of removing any pro-life protection, so I am deeply concerned,” he admits. “And I have stated that concern and will continue to state it.”

Boo hoo.  We might save lives with that research.  How horrid.

blog-bullet 3/15/09 – NC keeps abstinence education

Another of those delightful no-news news stories, which has nothing to offer but crap.

School districts can teach either abstinence or comprehensive sex education, the latter of which Jere Royall of the North Carolina Family Policy Council believes encourages promiscuity. He tells OneNewsNow that abstinence education has proven itself.

“The teen pregnancy rate has dropped by a third since abstinence education was started,” he points out, “and the teen abortion rate has been cut in half.”

Only ten districts in the state use the comprehensive approach, Royall says, and their teen pregnancy and abortion rates are higher. Royall believes abstinence education just makes sense. “There has been a very clear message for them when it comes to drugs and alcohol and tobacco to abstain,” he explains. “Everyone knows those are the wisest and healthiest choices.”

I wonder of Royall has seen any of the actual scientific studies that came out over the past couple years.  For example, in 2007, a study by Congress found that abstinence-only education had no effect on how likely middle school students were to engage in sex while they were teenagers.

Maybe Royall should take a statistics or research method class… or maybe read xkcd.

blog-bullet 3/16/09 – Global warming message losing ground

Message? Since when is science all about a campaign?  Are we going to have a vote as to whether global warming is actually taking place or not?  That would be interesting.

According to a report published on, Americans are becoming less worried over climate change. The Gallup poll found that a record-high 41 percent now believe that climate change is “exaggerated,” with the most cynicism coming from Americans age 30 and up. The survey also shows that more Americans doubt that alleged global warming has had an effect on the current climate.

Climate change is happening and it’s a concern for all of humanity.  I would appreciate it if we didn’t debate semantics that make people believe climate change isn’t happening at all.

blog-bullet 3/17/09 – Will repentance restore America’s economy?

This has to be my favorite story all week.  It’s news about faith and a chance to win a car!!! That’s right, you could win a car if you keep reading.

The whole point of this story is that we need to better commit ourselves to God.  Because we know prayer works, right?

“If anything is going to happen in this country, if this country is going to turn around and [if] the economy is going to turn around, it’s not because of our new administration,” Hill contends. “It will be because of the churches repenting and getting on their faces [before] God, asking forgiveness, and calling out to Him. And I think then He’ll heal our land. That’s what the Bible says in Chronicles.”

That’s what the Bible says, so it must be true!  Remind me how you can pick and choose which verses to follow and how you interpret them?

But anyways, Ronnie Hill has this great site called  Listen to a three-minute story and you can win a car.  I read the rules and apparently there is no requirement that you have to be a believer to win!  I encourage all my readers to go endure a three minute story! I think it would be awesome if a non-believer won a prize for responding to evangelism!

I watched Chris’s story.  He was in a band called Confederate Railroad, which has had great tunes like “She Took It Like A Man,” “Trashy Women,” “I Am Just a Rebel,” and “I Hate Rap,” so I’m sure they are amazing social justice allies.  It’s pretty cliché from then on.  He had success, he had something missing, he got into women, alcohol, and cocaine, and then his life sucked for a while (obviously).  He hit rock bottom, needed help.  He went to rehab (good choice!).  And then he entered a church.  Surprise.  God’s got a plan for him.  *Yawn* But hey, now I have a chance to win a car!

Hmm… you have to answer a question about praying the prayer in the video.  This could just be an assessment tool, but I can’t help but wonder if really will affect my chances of winning.  Oh well, I’ll take the high road and be honest.  You can also have people pray for you.  That’s nice.  I can’t help but notice that the marketing of this site looks a lot like Burger King’s marketing… weird.

blog-bullet 3/18/09 – Homosexual military demonstrations likely to ‘backfire’

HAHA!  I have to give them credit for the headline.  The quotes around “backfire” really send it home.  I don’t want to spend too much time on this article, because I find Elaine Donnelly’s rhetoric absolutely grating.

“The members of Congress are beginning to take it seriously. They’re beginning to look at the consequences of repealing the law,” she points out. “The Military Times found that ten percent said they would leave the military if the law is repealed. Another 14 percent said they would consider leaving. We cannot afford to lose people from our military in such great numbers.”

That’s right.  We shouldn’t remove discrimination because the haters won’t like it.  Enough of this nonsense for now.

blog-bullet 3/19/09 – Atheists challenge roadside memorial crosses

A classic church and state argument!  This article is less biased than most on OneNewsNow, but it still has that nagging, “But, Mom…!” kind of privileged whining to it.

Babione says no government funds are involved and that some of the crosses are on private property and some are on public easements.

That’s the only retort they have.

“The American Atheists brought suit against the state saying the state violated the Establishment Clause by allowing the Utah Highway Patrol Association, a private organization, to put up these crosses in honor of these fallen troopers,” he points out.

Oh, Utah.

I wonder if anyone bothered to wonder if it were remotely possible that even just one of those officers might possibly have not been Christian.  Give him a cross anyway!  He gave his life protecting others, just like Jesus! It scares me when my sarcasm sounds so plausible.

blog-bullet 3/20/09 – TEA’d off Americans urged to protest

Okay, this is the biggest joke ever.  Honestly, Obama said he’d only be raising taxes on people with the highest incomes.  This protest is about nothing except getting people angry about nothing.  Wake up, Don Wildmon!  Reaganomics are OVER.

“There’s a tax rebellion coming if Congress and the president do not deal properly with this,” says Wildmon. “I think that President Obama has gotten himself a problem that is above his pay grade — and we’re just hoping that people will respond.”

1) Tax rebellion?  From the corporate elite?  What does that have to do with me?
2) Above his pay grade?  He is the President!  He only gets paid so much and so yes, I suppose the problem is above his pay grade since he wants to tax only the ridiculously wealthy.  And I’m sure, Don, that by “gotten himself a problem,” you surely meant “inherited a problem.”

TEA = Taxed Enough Already.  How precious.  Head on over to to see just how much vitriolic bullshit they are spewing.

The funny thing about this article is how even though One News Now is a subsidiary of AFA, the article talks about AFA like it’s some distant organization:

A pro-family organization is planning TEA parties nationwide on April 15 — but the events, designed to send a strong message to the White House and Congress, won’t be sit-down affairs.

Oh, Don Wildmon.  You and your politics are so ugly.

Have a great weekend everybody!  Happy Spring!

Friday Fundamentalist Farce File #3

(NOTE: Because I spent all day Friday at the Iowa State Conference on Race and Ethnicity, including guest keynote Michele Norris from NPR’s All Things Considered, I did not have the opportunity to complete this week’s Farce File.  What is posted here is what I had completed prior to Friday, and I wanted to get something up!  Consider it a little preview into how I write, since this is not a finished product.)

It’s time again for your weekly digest of propaganda “news” from the religious right, courtesy of


blog-bullet 2/28/09 – Bible memorization credited with keeping kids faithful

Yep.  It’s true.  The more you brainwash them and socially isolate them from the rest of the knowledge and intellectualism the world has to offer, the more brainwashed they’ll be.  And how do they do it?  By brainwashing the parents, of course, too!

I could tell you many stories of moms and dads coming to Christ because it all started when they were helping little Jimmy or little Sally with their handbook.

Religion only survives because people are convinced to believe.  Our society sends the message that we should believe, and the proper exposure and influence convinces people to follow suit.  That doesn’t mean they understand what they believe, but anyone can convince hirself of anything.

This sounds all well and innocent, but just replace “faith” and “coming into the church” with “delusion” and “coming into the cult.”  It’s basic propaganda; it only sounds respectable because of Christian privilege.

blog-bullet 3/01/09 – Obama in Coulter crosshairs at CPAC

Seriously, is there no one on the right who understands (or cares about) Godwin’s Law?  You make a reference to Nazism and your argument’s over, because you were so petty and unintellectual and whiny that you couldn’t think of anything better than pure evil.  Well, that describes Ann Coulter pretty well, I’d say:

“Obama had the mainstream media, the entire European Union and Oprah on his side.  In fact, in a poll taken in Germany during the election, it showed that 80% of the German people supported Obama over McCain.  And we all know how infallible the Germans are at picking great leaders,” she joked.

Joked?  And people laugh at that?  Seriously, conservatives, grow up.  If I didn’t already know how ridiculously capable you are of convincing yourself of believing any ridiculous notion, I’d wonder how you have any dignity.

blog-bullet 3/02/09 – Home schoolers swarm to defend education

I love how the same people who so strongly supported a bad policy that depended on standards (NCLB) could now be so resistant to having to meet those standards themselves:

If passed, the bill would require home schoolers to double the amount of reporting currently required and would allow a school superintendant (sic) or principal to determine if the home school program should continue or be terminated.

How horrid!  Reporting?  Accountability?  Schools should never have to be held responsible in such ways for student learning.  We don’t need to know if they don’t know how to spell superintendent!

Donnelly says he and about 100 home schoolers were able to give testimony. “Well if it passed, this would become one of the most restrictive [home school] laws in the country,” he adds.

I’m missing the part where this is a bad thing.  What message do these home schoolers send when they say, “Hey, we think your education is crap, but we don’t want to have be held accountable for what we’re doing instead.”  What do they have to hide?  Completely biased or substandard educational experiences, perhaps?  If not, just prove it.

blog-bullet 3/03/09 – Young conservatives misled on homosexual issue

There’s only one truth when it comes to homosexuality: our totally warped and biased version of it!  Our good friend Peter is back to drive us absolutely crazy with his nonsense.  Here’s what he’s concerned about:

“Some people thought civil unions were just something you have to give the gay activists,” he points out. “Others thought it was a real compromise and didn’t realize how close it was to same-sex marriage and how it actually advances the same-sex marriage agenda.”

Are you ready?  Because here’s the kicker:

LaBarbera believes many young conservatives are being taught to think of homosexuality as a civil rights issue.

Uh oh!  Young conservatives are learning things and understanding things!  We must bring it to an end!

I won’t say any more for this story.  I thought it was good for a laugh.

blog-bullet 3/04/09 – Homosexual activists file suit, challenge DOMA

I wanted to post these articles just because I get a kick out of how they insist on calling us homosexual.  (See my terminology page for why that is not respectful language and an intentional decision on AFA’s part.)

(More would have been written here, but I’m sure I’ll have plenty to write about the DOMA challenge in the future.  Have a great weekend!)

Friday Fundamentalist Farce File #2

What the FFFF?  Here are the week’s highlights from the OneNewsNow newsletter.


blog-bullet 2/21/2009 – Proposal would lift Arkansas restrictions on atheists

How about them apples?  This short news clip is pretty accurate and fair.  There’s nothing to debunk about it.  I never thought I’d be grateful to the Becket Fund’s support (still not sure that I am).  There has to be something to make fun of somewhere.  Let’s look at the comments…

I’m a conservative Christian, but I think an exclusion banning people from holding public office based on their lack of belief in God is contrary to our founding principles. We wouldn’t want it the other way, where people are excluded from public office for believing in God.

Well, I’ll be!  This is not the best start to a feature that’s supposed to make fun of ridiculously biased points of view.  There has to be something more…

Knowing this country was founded on Biblical principles, and knowing that God’s word, the Bible, is authentic and infallible, this constitutional provision was drafted with the knowledge that God knows his creation and has insight to the human condition. Psalm 14:1 “The fool hath said in his heart, there is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.” That being said, why would we knowingly and willingly place a self proclaimed fool into any office to govern a Christian nation?

Yep.  There it is.  I didn’t have to look too far either… But, to people’s credit, there are a lot of positive comments on there.  Hopefully the rest of the week has more interesting things to poke fun at.

blog-bullet 2/22/2009 – Proposal for school on Good Friday draws fire

Here we go!

But teachers’ union president Frank McLaughlin calls classes on Good Friday a contract violation and says he will file a grievance if the superintendent makes it a school day.

School Committee member James Vittorioso says Good Friday is sacred and the schools would be sending the wrong message about religion. Member Martina Cruz says many students would take the day off anyway.

Petty religious privilege to the max!  Many holidays are built into the calendar to be snow make-up days.  Not everyone at the school is Christian, and I highly doubt any of those young people are spending the whole day “recall[ing] Jesus’ death on the cross.”  Go to school.  Learn something.  Grow up.  You live in a multicultural, multifaith world.

blog-bullet 2/23/2009 – ‘Exposure’ to Christian music leads to lawsuit

‘Exposure’? How is that different than exposure.  Or is it not really “exposure?”  Then what the hell is it?

According to PJI, the counselor was suspended for “exposing children to unapproved religious activities.” But Dacus says no one has established that the girls were offended or harmed by the Christian music.

Not to state the obvious, but that’s not the point.  If I were the parent of one of those children, I probably wouldn’t have been mad, but I would have probably said something to the camp about making sure they are not presenting religious views.  That’s not the camp’s job.  If they are responsible for children, they have a high accountability for what they allow the children to experience.  If their commitment is to be unbiased and they trust their counselors to maintain that responsibility, then they have to hold those counselors accountable.

And the other bands? “One of the other bands there had some outrageously immoral lyrics, and another band had some other lyrics that were very immoral,” says the attorney.

Is there an immorality scale I don’t know about? It probably looks something like this:

“Somewhat immoral.”
“Very immoral.”
“Outrageously immoral.”
“So F-in’ Immoral It Can’t Be Described Without the F Word.”
“Gay sex.”

blog-bullet 2/24/2009 – Seven states pushing for ‘personhood’ rights

I didn’t realize I’d so frequently explore the issue of abortion, but you know what?  It’s an issue all about social justice (women’s rights) and religious privilege.

“The language, in fact — basically in laymen’s terms — just says that all humans are people,” shares Keith Mason of Personhood USA, who adds that North Dakota is just one target in the nationwide campaign.

Couldn’t you also define a human as a self-sustaining organism?  Aren’t women people too with rights about their bodies?

“The secular media has tried to villainize us and call us ‘egg fanatic’s’ or that we’re trying to grant rights to fertilized eggs,” he says. But Mason argues that science proves pre-born humans are just that: human.

If you read the language of the bill, they are trying to grant rights to fertilized eggs.  I mean, I don’t think there is any other way to conceptualize that.  Does anyone else think it’s funny we celebrate birthdays instead of conception days?  If we started as people at conception, that’s what we should celebrate, right?  Oh, but we didn’t “enter the world” until we were born.  We weren’t our own selves until we were born.  That’s right.  We were relying on our mothers for survival.  Pre-born humans aren’t just that, they’re pre-human.  By definition, they could be classified as parasites in their mothers’ bodies.  So whose rights are most important?

blog-bullet 2/25/2009 – ‘God’ – the new four-letter word in public schools

“What’s happened is [that] the elitists — the people who run American society, from the public education system to certain governmental institutions and figures — have basically decided that God is irrelevant to public discussion,” says Whitehead during an interview with OneNewsNow.

Why is religion taboo in American schools?  Because religion does not belong in American schools!  There is a diversity of worldviews in every educational environment, and if their education is being provided by the government, then that education cannot be biased towards religion.  It’s pretty simple.

And what that does, adds Whitehead, is force those people — along with their religious rights and their free-speech rights — into “utter subservience” to all other beliefs.

What?  Since when did Christians become so weak that they cannot maintain their own beliefs in the face of other beliefs.  The pathetic sound of privilege rings clear in these words.

“The issue in such instances is the religious believer versus the secular state,” he writes. “It is also a denial of everything this country stands for in terms of the freedoms of speech, religion, and a respect for moral tradition.”

Oh, right, because only those who are religious are moral.  Last time I checked, everyone was still free to practice their religion quite openly.  Sorry, you don’t get to control everything that happens in every school just because of your privilege and majority!  Sheesh.  Get over yourselves.

By the way, did anyone else notice that even though this was the top headline of the day, it actually contained no news?  There was no incident, no issue, no court case, nothing.  Some “Christian attorney” just decided to open his mouth and OneNewsNow made it a headline.  I like their approach to diversity: spice up the propaganda with blatantly spoiled whining.  So respectable.

blog-bullet 2/26/2009 – ????

Hmm… I didn’t get a daily news brief on Thursday.  I wonder if the whole AFA staff is so eager to be inundated with self-fulfilling propaganda that they abandoned their work to attend CPAC?

CPAC, if you didn’t know, is the Conservative Political Action Conference.

At the conference, in addition to seeing all your favorite political blowhards, you can also enjoy great educational workshops, events, and ceremonies, like:

Timeless Principles, New Challenges: The Future of the Conservative Movement
Conservatism 2.0 Conference (featuring Joe the Plumber!)
The Key to Victory? Listen to Conservatives
New Challenges in the Culture War
Sarah Palin Unplugged on the Media Video Interview
Al Franken and ACORN: How Liberals are Destroying the American Election System
Protecting the Secret Ballot
Targets of the Fairness Doctrine
Presentation of the Charlton Heston Courage Under Fire Award

If you want to feel like you’re actually there, enjoy this clip of the Liberty Counsel’s Mat Staver, who maybe should have read a couple thousand socialogical studies so that he wouldn’t sound so homophobic, patriarchal, and just plain dumb (hat tip Pam via Right Wing Watch):

blog-bullet 2/27/2009 – Vatican, apologetics ministry at odds on evolution

So I’m posting this before I got today’s news brief email (assuming I even get one today since I didn’t  yesterday).  I pulled this article directly from the OneNewsNow site. [UPDATE: Less than an hour after I posted, I did get my news brief.  I feel like I should win a prize since this was the top headline.]

I think watching people try to argue against evolution is funny, so I thought I’d end this week’s Farce File with some delightful quotes from Dr. Terry Mortenson of Answers in Genesis (a site you shouldn’t look at for more than three seconds unless you want to spend the rest of the weekend recovering from a brain aneurysm).

The Bible says that plants were created before sea creatures — contrary to…evolutionary theory,” Mortenson points out.

I don’t even know what he means by this.

“And then the Bible says that there was no death before Adam’s sin — no animal death, no human death. But evolution says there were hundreds of millions of years of death in the physical world. So you have to ignore the details of the Bible to accept evolution.”

Well, I’d have to agree with him there.

“Oh, there is an enormous amount of scientific evidence that supports that God created separate kinds of plants and animals,” Mortenson replies. “The fossil record supports that, what we know about natural selection and mutation supports that — and there’s an enormous, massive amount of evidence in the geological record for Noah’s flood.”

Actually, there is NO scientific evidence that supports that “God created” anything.  Everything else I agree with, minus “Noah’s.”

Well, I think that’s enough ridiculous propaganda for the week, don’t you?

Tune in to ZackFordBlogs again next week for another Friday Fundamentalist Farce File!