Zack and Peterson are together for the holidays, and rather than yak about Utah or Duck Dynasty, the two follow the travels of the afterbirth of Jesus in the Lost Gospel of the Holy Placenta. Enjoy this lighthearted and only slightly blasphemous holiday episode and let us know what you want to hear from us […]
Peterson has recently uncovered the lost book of Thaddeus, that was hidden away and kept out of the Bible. He imparts its wisdom upon Zack, who is no more convinced by its alternate depiction of the life of Jesus than of the original tellings. He’s more excited that he’ll be speaking at his alma mater, […]
Zack’s blog has found salvation after being completely reconstructed, allowing it to be cleansed of its impurities and restored to new life. Similarly, Peterson has returned from his month of journeying across Europe and eagerly regales Zack and listeners with tales of his misdeeds. In fact, Peterson had quite an impact on how people think […]
The long-lost episode! This was originally recorded August 13, 2012, but was the first lost when Zack’s blog was in disrepair. Now it’s back and ready to be listened to in case you missed it! Peterson and Zack are back to have a conversation about the intersection of faiths. Peterson is getting ready to head […]
Zack doesn’t know how to count, because obviously this is episode 63, not 62. Peterson and Zack resume their in-depth personally challenging conversations about the nature of faith and how we interact with it. Peterson discusses the various ways he challenges how people respond to the Bible and interpret the stories, and as a result […]
The Friday Fundamentalist Farce File is a week’s worth of “news” clippings from conservative hubs like WorldNetDaily and the American Family Association’s OneNewsNow. Millions of Americans absorb these messages as gospel truth—literally—on a daily basis.
I’ve long been, well, bothered by the LGBT movement’s embrace of religion. There isn’t an anti-gay idea that doesn’t come from religion. I’m of the perspective that all religious ideas are bad. Why is the movement so eager to work with the groups who originated those bad ideas? Well, 1) because many in the movement […]
It’s been a while since I featured some religious right propaganda, so I thought I’d share this incredible offer I got today from World Net Daily. Check out iLumina. You know it’s cool because its name starts with a lower-case i. But only kind of in the logo. They underlined the L just to make […]
I thought today I’d outline some rules for etiquette when it comes to evangelizing religion to a gay atheist, like myself. Rule #1: Don’t evangelize. Ever, really. But if you know what’s good for you, you definitely don’t want to try evangelizing to someone because of their identity. It’s like touching the top of the […]
Last night, Stephen Colbert addressed Conservapedia’s new plan to revise the Bible to eliminate “liberal bias”: The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c Tip/Wag – Conservapedia, Louvre & Honda Unicycle www.colbertnation.com Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Michael Moore If you missed out on hearing about the Conservative Bible Project, you’re not missing […]
Peterson has recently uncovered the lost book of Thaddeus, that was hidden away and kept out of the Bible. He imparts its wisdom upon Zack, who is no more convinced by its alternate depiction of the life of Jesus than of the original tellings. He’s more excited that he’ll be speaking at his alma mater, Ithaca College, for National Coming Out Day. And who, pray tell, is the most effervescent co-host of this podcast?
Zack’s blog has found salvation after being completely reconstructed, allowing it to be cleansed of its impurities and restored to new life. Similarly, Peterson has returned from his month of journeying across Europe and eagerly regales Zack and listeners with tales of his misdeeds. In fact, Peterson had quite an impact on how people think about their religious beliefs, challenging traditional interpretations of scriptures. On the island of Malta, in particular, his performance raised quite a few eyebrows and then opened some hearts. His experiences mesh with recent uprisings in the Middle East, so the podcast segues into a conversation about the fine lines between challenging, mocking, and outright offending religion. Most importantly, the podcast is back and not going anywhere anytime soon! (Note: This episode was recorded Wednesday, September 26, 2012.)
The long-lost episode! This was originally recorded August 13, 2012, but was the first lost when Zack’s blog was in disrepair. Now it’s back and ready to be listened to in case you missed it!
Peterson and Zack are back to have a conversation about the intersection of faiths. Peterson is getting ready to head to Europe, where he’ll be speaking and performing before the British Humanist Association. (You’ll also find him at the Greenbelt Festival.) Unsure of how a room full of non-believers will receive him, he turned to Zack, who obviously is prepared to speak on behalf of all atheists. We get into a conversation about discussing religion across “interfaith” spaces, and effective ways to keep the event inclusive. Plus, Zack gets one step closer to winning that toaster.
Zack doesn’t know how to count, because obviously this is episode 63, not 62. Peterson and Zack resume their in-depth personally challenging conversations about the nature of faith and how we interact with it. Peterson discusses the various ways he challenges how people respond to the Bible and interpret the stories, and as a result Zack claims victory that Peterson is actually subscribing to Humanism and challenging the Bible as a sacred text. Listen to the drama unfold!
It’s been a very long time since I last published this feature (so much so that it was before I reformatted the layout over a year ago), but I thought it was time to bring it back. There won’t be one next week because of Creating Change, but I think I’ll try to keep this pretty regular.
[The Friday Fundamentalist Farce File is a week’s worth of “news” clippings from conservative hubs like WorldNetDaily and the American Family Association’s OneNewsNow. Millions of Americans absorb these messages as gospel truth—literally—on a daily basis.]
Great Britain decided it was a good idea to keep track of racist and homophobic incidents that occur at schools. Doing so gives the government a sense of how prevalent such incidents are and to make sure that schools are actually addressing bullying as they are expected to. Of course, WND thinks this is a problem.
Following last year’s publicized case of 10-year-old Peter Drury – who was added to his school’s hate register for calling his friend “gay boy” – Dr. Michele Elliott of the charity Kidscape told the Mail, “Children are being criminalized and singled out here from a very early age when they don’t know what they’re doing.”
“It must be explained that [this behavior] is wrong,” added Margaret Morrissey, founder of the campaign group Parents Outloud. “But to keep a register that will haunt them for years to come is going far too far and is against all rights.”
Drury’s mother told the paper of her son, “He doesn’t even understand about the birds and the bees, so how can he be homophobic?”
Oh, Mrs. Drury, let me count the ways.
Here’s a quick lesson how to be productive: Identify a problem. Address the problem. Assess whether the solution has successfully addressed the problem. Continue developing solutions to address the problem. If you don’t continue to identity and assess the problem, the problem will surely persist.
Of course, the real issue here is not that anybody thinks the actual reporting is a problem. They don’t think that there’s really anything wrong at all, and they don’t like it being called out:
Adrian Hart, the report’s author, told the Mail, “I feel that childhood itself is under attack. It’s absolutely the case that these policies misunderstand children quite profoundly.
“Racist incident reporting generates the illusion of a problem with racism in Britain’s schools by trawling the everyday world of playground banter, teasing, childish insults – the sort of things that every teacher knows happens out there in the playground,” Hart said.
Get it? Saying racist stuff to people isn’t really racism, because children just don’t understand what they’re saying! Just let it go.
Feel like your strategies for demonizing those dirty gays are running stale? Reboot them by making up the most absurd shit you can think of and demonize them for things they haven’t even done yet!
This article is all about how same-sex couples in the future will use “procreative liberty” to abort any babies that aren’t genetically proven to be gay like they are.
What’s great about this article is that it concedes all the legal turf conservative groups usually hold. The couple will be married and have a kid. It’s inevitable. But apparently, gays are eager to abort heterosexual babies.
I’m not going to lie, I’m a whole lot more worried about heterosexual couples trying to prevent a gay child from being born than the other way around.
Dr. Al Mohler, Jr., president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, says that the governor didn’t say anything wrong. Any evangelical would understand it! Duh!
Bentley was “attempting to build bridges,” explains the seminary president. “His first statement was a very comprehensive statement of the unity of all believers in Christ — it is in Christ, due to the adoption that is ours in Christ, that we are brothers and sisters together.”
You see, the problem isn’t anything Gov. Bentley said. The problem is just that damn political correctness got in the way. If only people stopped getting so offended, it wouldn’t be a problem.
“[His remark] ran into a head-on collision with political correctness and with a secular culture that doesn’t even understand the terms in which the governor was speaking,” he says. “The governor is an experienced Sunday school teacher; he knows how to speak as a Christian to Christians — and I’m sure this was a rather bitter lesson in learning that the secular world doesn’t always hear things the same way.”
The only reason non-Christians thought his remarks were inappropriate is because they’re not Christian. It makes perfect sense!
This Al Mohler fellow really has nothing better to do than offer talking points to OneNewsNow (or maybe article writer Russ Jones just doesn’t know anyone else to call).
On Tuesday, he was going on about the twelve new Southern Baptists in Congress and how he prays they’ll be “faithful,” whatever that means. The language isn’t very subtle that he wants them to “bring the full wealth of conviction… the full resources of the Christian worldview” to the job of governing.
The article points out that 304 members of Congress (57%) hold Protestant beliefs. It also inaccurately points out that “no member of Congress… declares himself an atheist, agnostic, or ‘nothing in particular.” Apparently they’ve never heard of Representative Pete Stark.
It’s okay to teach the Bible in a public school if all the students say it’s great!
I actually have mixed feelings about this. I think studying the Bible as literature is worthwhile, particularly if you read all of the really dark stories that don’t come up often in Church, and not just the pretty ones. Studying literature means being critical and considering all the parts, after all.
But what the Chino Valley Unified School District is doing seems inappropriate. Using the literature course as a cover, they seem to be using the course to teach Christianity as well. The Board president is not so subtle about it.
Board president James Na, who envisioned the course, says that he was “highly impressed” by students and board members who voiced their support of the Bible course in the community’s classrooms. He is convinced that young people need the Word of God to direct their lives.
“And these young people should be not only taught but nurtured to be our future face of this nation, with understanding of our foundation as a Christian nation,” he comments.
Na also mentioned how the class discusses how the Bible relates to American historical heritage. Sounds more like a Texas State Board of Education “history” class than a literature class. We should be highly dubious.
Just when you thought they couldn’t get any crazier (we are talking about birther central here), WorldNetDaily showed today just how off the deep end they really are.
They are organizing a campaign to urge Republicans to oppose raising the debt ceiling. By threatening to vote “no,” they can force the Democrats to cut the budget in an historic way.
What Joseph Farah doesn’t point out is that if the debt ceiling is not raised by that particular deadline, the entire U.S. government will shut down (i.e. no salaries for federal employees until the problem is fixed), which could also spark financial disaster the world over.
But hey, destroying the world economy is a good plan if it means the Republicans get a little more power over the government, right? Priorities, priorities.
I think any plan that involves these names should be particularly avoided:
Sens. Jim DeMint, R-S.C., and Pat Toomey, R-Pa., are already on record as opposing an increase in the debt limit. Rep. Michelle Bachmann, R-Minn., has also advocated the plan.
Oh, Farah also said that Obama and the Democrats “keep bailing out the wealthy.” I’m sure all the blue-collar workers whose jobs and pensions were saved by the bailouts feel exactly the same way.
Feel free to go and sign the petition. It’s not Faustian at all.
I’ve long been, well, bothered by the LGBT movement’s embrace of religion. There isn’t an anti-gay idea that doesn’t come from religion. I’m of the perspective that all religious ideas are bad. Why is the movement so eager to work with the groups who originated those bad ideas? Well, 1) because many in the movement still want to be part of those groups, and 2) because the stigma of being an atheist is worse than the stigma of being queer.
It’s called religious privilege. Religious privilege is what lets bad ideas be considered anyway. I’d rather see all faith-based beliefs dismissed outright for their lack of intellectual foundation. Then, none of the bad ideas could make much impact on society. Unfortunately, the LGBT movement would rather try to benefit from religious privilege. (Even NGLTF has stepped up the “multi-faith” programming this year at Creating Change, “multi-faith” of course still being exclusive of nonbelievers.)
Just think about it for a second, though. Let’s say you’re Catholic. If you want Catholicism to be respected and to have your Catholic beliefs catered to, then you have to also respect the Baptists. And the Methodists. And the Lutherans. And even the Jews, and the Muslims, and the Hindus. And so on. Because your freedom to enjoy the archaic and morbid rituals of Catholicism depends on all beliefs being respected. That’s religious privilege; it cuts across all faiths. It’s catering to faith, respecting beliefs on their face without requiring an explanation beyond “It’s how I was raised” or “The Bible says so.”
When it comes to Christianity’s treatment of homosexuals, I’m not always sure what I want.
Usually, it’s an easy call — I want Christians to accept gay people as they are, without trying to change them, and stop getting in the way of equal rights.
But part of me wants them to keep being intolerant. The more they keep up their bigotry, the easier it is for people to walk away from them.
That’s purely selfish of me, though. For the sake of my gay friends, it’d be much better if anyone claiming to be a Christian did a better job telling other Christians that homosexuality wasn’t a sin, gay people deserve the right to get married, and the church is on the wrong side of this issue.
If they condemned their own church leaders for being bigots and urged others to leave the church as a result, even better.
But I’m not holding out hope that a lot of Christians, even the young ones, will ever get that sort of courage. I know a handful of Christians who are LGBT-friendly and brave enough to speak out publicly on the matter, but they’re a rare breed. They need more Christians to join them.
Even the “non-jerky” Christians seem to have a hard time saying there’s nothing wrong with homosexuality. I’ve talked to two Christians recently who have told me how angry and upset they are about the church’s stance on homosexuality… but when I ask them if they would vote for gay marriage, they go silent.
Here is the worst aspect of this problem: The more we convince religious groups to look supportive, the easier it will be for them to hide their nonsupport. (How do you think they got the horrid idea that “Love the sinner, Hate the sin” was compassionate?) Those Christians who make nice with us homosexuals still don’t want to prosper. And guess what? We can’t ever change Leviticus or Romans, so as long as that book full of wicked stories is “unerrant truth,” it doesn’t matter how many MCC’s or UU’s we have. There are always going to be people (and a lot of them) who can’t think outside a Biblical context, and they are always going to push back against us gays.
Unfortunately, as Hemant points out, these efforts to work with religion will make it harder to identify the individuals who are still working against us! Are people who allow our oppression to persist through inaction less to blame than those who actively perpetuate the oppression? I don’t see much difference. The question shouldn’t be how nice they are about their anti-gay beliefs, but how much power those beliefs have, and if members of our community keep trying to hold onto that same power (religious privilege), it just empowers our oppressors to persist.
In other words, by helping some churches be more LGBT-friendly, we’re just helping other churches continue not to be, and ultimately, our only net gain is the chance to still be spiritual ourselves. Well, I’m certainly not joining that bandwagon. What’s worse is the book still doesn’t change, just which verses you read and how you read them! Talk about cognitive dissonance.
That’s why I so proudly identify as an atheist. I think just about every atheist blog I read covers LGBT issues pretty regularly, and most of the bloggers are straight! There is such a sincerity to their activism and support. It’s unflinching, crystal clear. There is no doubt about the nature of sexual orientation and no hesitancy in supporting the LGBT community. And without a spirituality of their own to try and reconcile, it’s truly selfless support and honest concern.
Meanwhile, I can’t help but feel that there are so many in the LGBT community too eager to still be part of their faith (regardless of how recklessly contradictory it might be). Catholics for Equality. A multi-faith mini-conference at Creating Change. The idea we need to defend Islam. It’s a constant effort to make nice with no effort to educate, no concern for dismantling that religious privilege.
And while they’re busy helping defend the groups that oppress us, they are simultaneously ostracizing people like me.
There’s a sad irony to it. While most religious groups are condemning gay people, many gay people are condemning nonreligious people. Besides being obviously irrational, it’s also just disappointingly selfish.
Faith is irrational. Faith protects homophobia. Therefore, gay people reject embrace faith.
It’s been a while since I featured some religious right propaganda, so I thought I’d share this incredible offer I got today from World Net Daily.
Check out iLumina. You know it’s cool because its name starts with a lower-case i. But only kind of in the logo. They underlined the L just to make sure you understood that the small caps I was an i, even though the i in Lumina really is an i. Wait, what?
Now, this would be perfect for Shelonda, because it has the complete texts of both the New Living Translation and King James Version, and you can look at both side-by-side. That way you can pick whichever version best feeds into your biases!
There is also “The Book of Life” encyclopedia. This is perfect for the folks who get frustrated by the open-source nature of Conservapedia and want all their religious spin coming from the same reliable source. Even though it’s all digital, there is apparently 23 volumes worth of narrow-minded thinking and half-explained truisms! (They couldn’t think of anything interesting that started with X or Q and then they miscounted.)
You’ll also get an illustrated Bible timeline “with user tips.” These user tips show you both how to fold the timeline back up as well as how to read the timeline with an explanation of why you should care to. And oh, this timeline is not just in black and white—oh no!—it’s coming at you in four colors!!
Just in case you’re “with the times,” the set comes on a DVD-ROM and 5 CD-ROMs. You pay to get the same thing twice, but hey, you’ll thank them later.
This package includes 1000 new photos, so if you’re not sure whether you want to upgrade from your previous version, “iLumina Gold,” this feature should be clutch. These are real still images captured by the Roman photographer, Polarexus, that demonstrate the life and times of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, in the flesh and blood (and not just make believe Communion flesh and blood either!).
There are also 35 stunning animations that were originally hand-drawn by one of Mary Magdalene’s clients, Walt. If animation isn’t your thing, the 25 virtual Bible site tours will make you feel like you were actually there, being persecuted right beside Jesus himself! There are also over 200 charts and maps to help you plan your own crusade!
And if reading two versions of the Bible isn’t enough for you, iLumina includes 10,000 study notes, 8,900 in-depth articles, 1,000 group discussion guides, and lessons and quizzes to help you review! There’s enough reading and content here to keep you busy enough to forget about the rest of the world’s knowledge. This one set is all you need to be the best Christian you can be (and nothing more).
If nothing else, remember this. iLumina is super easy to use. No more rooting around on the bookshelf and lifting that heavy book and then searching through the pages! All you have to do is install iLumina, navigate through all the menus to find what you want, and then you can just click and scroll. (Note: You can only access iLumina if you have access to a computer, and no, an iPad will not support iLumina. It runs on a DVD/5 CDs, silly!)
(By the way, this was originally released in December 2008, but I guess they didn’t really sell at $6.5 million dollars a pop, so that’s why we’re still selling them, but at a lower price. Don’t worry, you still get $6.5 million dollars worth of text and graphics. This set is so cool, man. You can do anything with technology these days.)
I thought today I’d outline some rules for etiquette when it comes to evangelizing religion to a gay atheist, like myself.
Rule #1: Don’t evangelize.
Ever, really. But if you know what’s good for you, you definitely don’t want to try evangelizing to someone because of their identity. It’s like touching the top of the stove; you know what the result is going to be. Now, we might politely hear you out and ask a few questions to feign respect so you can walk away with a false sense of validation. We also might respond with questions that challenge your faith, we might insist on disagreeing with your claims, and we will most likely not express gratitude to you for trying to force your delusional beliefs upon us. I’m just saying, you probably won’t be satisfied with the results.
That’s because evangelism, in general, is offensive. It’s trying to force beliefs and assumptions upon another through the use of guilt and shame. It doesn’t matter what your motivation is, as admirable as your belief might be to try to save souls. The effect is always condescending.
And let me just point out that atheists do not similarly evangelize. We reason. We encourage critical thinking, skepticism, and scientific literacy. Our effort is to liberate a person from narrow thinking, not by telling them what to think, but showing them how to think better. As an added bonus, promoting atheism often involves helping people think more highly about the life they live (this is all there is!—celebrate it!), as opposed to belittling them and offering our point of view as the only cold comfort.
I just want to preempt any readers from trying to draw a comparison. Promoting atheism is not evangelism.
I could just leave it at that, but maybe you want a little bit more detail about how exactly evangelism can be offensive. I have the perfect example to work from.
As you may recall, a few weeks ago I talked about the long road to coming out as an atheist. I shared my college admissions essay, which demonstrated I’d clearly moved away from religion, but not yet from belief. I wanted to demonstrate how atheism is something that’s always present, but sometimes it’s a long process to disassemble the wall of indoctrination that blocks it off. I also wanted to show that coming out as an atheist can happen quite naturally, and doesn’t necessarily require some form of abuse or crisis to rock a person’s faith.
Well, a character named Shelonda decided to take it upon herself to evangelize on my post. You can read the full comment here. Now, it is tempting to be completely snarky as I respond to this comment. Even if I try my best, it might still come off as a bit snarky. But I hope my response to Shelonda helps elucidate the obnoxiously annoying proclivities of evangelism in a way that better promotes your understanding. Let’s begin.
Hello, I listened to your story and realized that you probably need to find it within yourself to find out who Jesus really is because it sounds as though you are trying to find a belief where you do not have to compromise your homosexuality or things you do not want to compromise.
Well, thank you for “listening.” I appreciate that you took the time to read my blog post and are trying to understand where I’m coming from. It sounds like maybe you have some more questions for me.
Oh, wait. Nope. Sorry. I got my hopes up there. It took only 10 words for you to start telling me what’s wrong with me and what I’m trying to do.
Thing 1 that’s wrong with me: I’ve denied myself the opportunity to find out who Jesus really was. Nope. I actually know more than I care to know about Jesus as it is. He seemed like generally a good guy, except when he was promoting slavery, duping people into believing in him (with “miracles”), and leading a cult around challenging the government without any really good arguments as to why. (No wonder the teabaggers are a fan.)
Thing 2 that’s wrong with me: I’m trying to find a belief. Nope. If you’ve read any of my blog, you should know I’m a pretty committed nonbeliever. I have no interest in nor respect for belief. I am very at peace with my worldview.
Thing 3 that’s wrong with me: The fact that I’m gay is something I need to reconcile. Nope. I’m not trying to compromise my homosexuality with anything. I love being gay, to be honest. I just wish it didn’t make it so hard to meet a mate is all. Nothing you can do about the numbers though.
So, we’re one sentence in and you’ve already ignored what I’ve told you about my atheism, forced your belief in Jesus upon me, and condescended my homosexuality as something I need to compromise. Can you see, at this point, how I’m not inclined to care what you have to say, Shelonda? You’ve already indicated that you don’t really have any respect for who I am; you only care about convincing me (shaming me) to be like you.
You seem to be a very confused and damaged by some sort of molestation or other demonic influence that is not really who you are.
Thing 4 that’s wrong with me: I’m confused. Nope.
Thing 5 that’s wrong with me: I’m damaged. Nope.
Thing 6 that’s wrong with me: I’ve been molested or cursed by some demonic influence. Nope.
And honestly, I find this kind of assumption particularly offensive. What she (I’m guessing Shelonda is a woman?) is basically saying is that she thinks I am so out of whack that something awful must have happened to me. Like, how could I be this messed up? It couldn’t even happen naturally.
The sad thing is: some people are susceptible to this kind of language. “Wait, maybe I am confused. Maybe something is wrong with me.” No! Evangelists are frighteningly confident in their faith, but they know nothing of what they speak. Their goal is to break you. To dominate you. To crush your spirit and fill the void with their delusions.
Shelonda, how closed minded do you have to be to not be able to appreciate the diversity around you? How indoctrinated do you have to be to assume me damaged because you’re unwilling to actually consider anything I say about myself?
Instead of building up a website to find answers about your identity from others, ask Jesus to come in to your heart with sincerety and he is the only one that can provide that hole in your heart for the answers since he created you.
Maybe this was Shelonda’s first time on my website? I don’t know.
Thing 7 that’s wrong with me: I’m trying to find answers from others. Nope. That’s not really the point of this blog. To a certain extent, the point is the absolute opposite: to help others better understand me. Or rather, to help ME better understand ME through the process of my own writing. Of course, I want to get some challenging conversations going. I want to hear new points of view. I want to commune with others who think similarly to me and have new insights to offer. I want to hear from people who think quite differently from me so I can better understand where they’re coming from. Shelonda, unfortunately, your comment is showing not to warrant that kind of respect.
Thing 8 that’s wrong with me: I didn’t ask Jesus to come into my heart (or I didn’t ask sincerely enough). Actually, did you read about the part where I claimed for many years that I had a relationship with Jesus? The Bible study? The prayer? And then I realized I was talking to nobody and wasting my time depending on a delusion instead of having confidence in myself? I did ask Jesus to come into my heart, and my heart grew when I stopped asking.
Thing 9 that’s wrong with me: There’s a hole in my heart. Wait, if Jesus created me, why did he create me with a hole in my heart? That seems like poor design! I better see a cardiologist, stat! Or does Shelonda mean that I’m dispassionate, incapable of love, totally selfish, and devoted only to my own causes? If that’s what she means, I guess she’s kind of right. (Oops, some snark crept in, but it was at my own expense, so that’s okay, right?)
To say that you live your life for you and the people in this world is like taking a knife and stabbing yourself because the world cares nothing about you, but Jesus does and you will never be able to meet the expectations of the world or yourself.
Thing 10 that’s wrong with me: I’m not cynical enough, so I ought to commit suicide. Wait, what? It’s not that I think the world revolves around me (I’d be on fire!), but is it so wrong to be optimistic about people? Is the key to happiness thinking that everyone in the world is a misanthrope? And the fact that I have hope for mankind means I should be depressed and end my life? Yikes. I want nothing to do with that. Excuse me for following the golden rule.
Thing 11 that’s wrong with me: I’ll never be able to meet anyone’s expectations, including my own. Wow, Shelonda, you are just ripping into my psyche here. If the world expects me to follow Jesus, then I guess the world will be disappointed. I’m actually quite proud of the fact I don’t follow Jesus, so I’m already meeting my own expectations. I’m going to keep trying to do right by the world, but the world’s going to get from me what the world gets from me.
Look in the mirror how many times have you dissapointed yourself?
Hey! I’ve lost a noticeable amount of weight lately! Give me some credit.
Thing 12 that’s wrong with me: I don’t look good in the mirror. 🙁
By the way, have you ever checked your own spelling and disappointed yourself? (Damn, there’s that snark again. Sorry!)
Take it from someone that Jesus has delivered from self and people. When you come to love yourself, you will realize even in your confusion, Jesus was there all along waiting on you just to seek him.
So, if I’m talking to Shelonda, does that mean I’m talking directly to Jesus? Because Jesus has delivered Shelonda. So who’s Shelonda? I’m only getting confused because of the words you’re using!
Thing 13 that’s wrong with me: I don’t love myself. Wellllll, without going into too much detail, I can pretty much assure you that I do. Take my word for it. And if we ever meet, we can shake on it.
Thing 14 that’s wrong with me: Thing 4 and Thing 8 combined. I’m confused and not seeking Jesus! I’m not really confused, but I’ll try to rectify this one right here and now. This is a public blog and it comes up in search results. Jesus, if you’re out there, please respond. I’m getting the sense you’re pretty full of yourself, so I’m sure you Google your own name like all the time. If you see this post, drop me a line, would you? It’d be great to hear from you.
Invest in a King James Bible(living translation) and begin to read and pray for change and for him to reveal the reason that you are here so you can began fulfilling your purpose instead of being blindsided by that which feels good to you, but is not good for you.
You couldn’t go one long paragraph without bringing my money into this, could you, Shelonda? I have two Bibles in my house already, but both are Catholic, so they’re probably not good enough for you, are they? King James gave his translators specific instructions in the 17th century, so I’m sure he knew exactly how to properly translate those ancient texts. It also seems that the living translation is a new version of the Bible that isn’t even the same as the KJV. So, you want me to read two different Bibles that are different than the two different Bibles I already have? It seems fishy that with the thousands of editions and translations out there, you know exactly which one(s) I should read.
Thing 15 that’s wrong with me: I need to pray for change.
Thing 16 that’s wrong with me: I don’t know the reason I’m here.
Thing 17 that’s wrong with me: I’m not fulfilling my purpose.
Thing 18 that’s wrong with me: I’m blindsided by things that feel good.
Thing 19 that’s wrong with me: The things I think are good for me are not good for me.
Zackford how many times have you awaken
Thing 20 that’s wrong with me: I’m not capable of finish
Shelonda, thank you for commenting on my blog. You have provided an excellent case study for how offensive and rude evangelism can be. Perhaps if you spent some time outside of your Bible-reading and started considering other points of view, you wouldn’t come off as so obnoxiously selfish and narrow-minded.
If you missed out on hearing about the Conservative Bible Project, you’re not missing much other than bucketloads of lunacy. I mean, “revise the Bible,” is enough to know it has about as much merit as the Bible has to begin with. And check out these expected benefits of the project:
mastery of the Bible, which is priceless
mastery of the English language, which is valuable
thorough understanding of the differences in Bible translations, particularly the historically important King James Version
benefiting from activity that no public school would ever allow; a Conservative Bible could become a text for public school courses
liberals will oppose this effort, but they will have to read the Bible to criticize this, and that will open their mind
It never gets old to say, “These people can convince themselves of anything.”
Well, in a stunt much more amusing than his original Wikipedia prank, Colbert challenged his viewers to add him to the new Conservative Bible.
In response, Conservapedia posted the following on their homepage:
Special message to the Colbert show watchers: do yourselves a favor and watch less television. Colbert and his advertisers want to make money off you, but you can accomplish some good instead by unplugging the TV. You could even pick up a Bible.
After all, why would we need to learn anything new or follow any current events, presented satirically or not? Everything we need to know is in the Bible… or at least whatever version of the Bible they come up with next.
I’m excited to see if Colbert responds to this retort tonight…